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How could he do that to me?

I just found out that my hubby was cheating on me the whole time I was pregnant with our youngest son (2 months)...How could he do something so cruel and hurtful...He would have never told me, but she called and I answered the phone. She told me everything...we have been together for 6 years and have two beautiful children together....I just dont know how I am supposed to forgive him for this.

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MaMa2_DJ_IJ

Asked by MaMa2_DJ_IJ at 4:15 AM on Nov. 17, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (20)
  • Wow...I'm so sorry for you, that happened to me with my ex. It really hurts, I know, but just keep in mind that everything will get better. In my opinion once a cheater always a cheater...but there are a few out there that do stop. You should talk to him about it, tell him exactly how you feel and don't hold anything back. He needs to see how bad it hurt you that he did this so that maybe he will stop and not do it anymore. You might also need to make him THINK that you cheated on him so he can feel everything you're feeling right now. Good luck to you, I hope everything works out, but if it doesn't then just remember things will get better with time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:22 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • My (ex) hub dumped me with 4 kids for someone I babysat for. He admitted to 8 years of cheating and he was so heartless. Last year he fought me to take custody of our 2 boys whom he hadn't seen in 4 years!!! He lost but is starting up again to take my youngest. For your question, I can't tell you your answer, but I know when a man is so cold to sneak and lie like that, I don't know if they could ever be trusted again. My counselor told me my ex had all of the signs of a sociopath based on everything I told her. Cold, no regard for others, etc. But everyone is different. God showed me my answer,best of luck in you finding yours.............
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • i am so sorry my step dad did that to my mom and i know it hurt her so bad but she forgave him and i know she always questions his behavior it has been at least 6 years since it happened but i think she will have trust issues 4 ever i know it is hard for me to trust him. we love him but i have to let it go because it is my moms decision but it is hard i know he hurt her and he doesnt know i know so i cant say anything out of respect for my mom. if you can ever trust him and you love him, i dont know you have to follow your heart. i hope tings get better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Has he asked you to forgive him? Has he said he was wrong? Is he truly sorry for what he did? Do not mistake forgiveness for restoration of your marriage. I believe that you have to choose to forgive him in that you must release the anger and bitterness that you are bound to be feeling. For your marriage to be restored, he has to admit wrong and be willing to work together with you. Forgiveness takes ones; restoration takes two.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:23 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Wow, I"m really sorry. I could forgive a sex driven one-night-stand kind of thing but a relationship that has carried on, no way.

    I'm always suprised by just how low some people will go. It's all because they are selfish. I don't think this type of cheater/person will ever change.
    pugpin

    Answer by pugpin at 8:54 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • How could you do that to you...well I would say because he is not a faithful, honest man.
    He was too busy getting it on behind you back..he should have been taking care of you. I could never forgive. That is a big lie..I probably could not forgive a little lie. I don't even know your husband, but I do not like him and he is like so many others guys...not trustworthy.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 9:23 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • I've seen 2 marriages that survived infidelity, but a lot more that haven't. You will not stand a chance of saving the marriage without counseling. Go get it. Make certain you know where any and all money is.
    mommy22miracles

    Answer by mommy22miracles at 9:55 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Cont'
    Sit down calmly with him and tell him that you know about the affair. If he wants to save the marriage, you would be willing to attend marriage counseling with him. If not, then it is over. Get a good lawyer and make certain you get a good custody arrangement. And I mean good for the kids. Not for your justifiable sense of anger and revenge. Kids come first. Protect them at all costs. Recovering from infidelity is extremely difficult. You will need very wise counsel. So find a good counselor. Close friends of ours went thru this with the wife being unfaithful with a man the husband considered a good friend. They got counseling and now, 3 yrs later are doing much better together. Give it a try. But do not ever give another chance if he cheats again.
    mommy22miracles

    Answer by mommy22miracles at 9:56 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Wow. The first thing is, don't walk, run, Kick him out. Trust me. Get yourself together, get strong. Make sure you can be on your own- (you can, you will be ok). Then decide. Is he working for you to come back? Do you want to forgive him? It's empowering to take control of the situation. Make him work for you and then decide. Don't do the it's about the kids thing. You don't want them to grow up thinking that you are worthless and they are too. He's an idiot. Good luck and I'll be happy to chat with you if you need support.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:09 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • I'd invite her over for a chit chat and not tell him she's coming and let her tell me all of that right in front of him. It's at least possible that she is lying, so I'd want some proof before I let her destroy your marriage.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:13 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

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