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Kids & Chores - how to get things done with out a fight?

My 11 year old is driving me crazy - her only daily chores is to take care of the dishwasher. She NEVER does it on her own and when I hound her about it she will leave clean dishes on the counter and dirty dishes in the sink. She is running it half empty and leaving dirty stuff around the kitchen. Am I expecting too much from her? It's so much easier for me to just do it myself, but then what lesson is she getting? Ugh. Any good tips on how to get her to do her chore without driving me crazy?

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Asked by scout_mom at 2:31 PM on Feb. 8, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 41 (125,190 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Is there something else that she could do instead? I know it sounds crazy but my 2 year old hates to pick up the toys but loves to wipe off the table, put dishes in the sink, etc. Her brothers 3 & 4 don't want a thing to do with the kitchen and would rather pick up the toys. Yes I have to re-wipe off the table, etc but she feels big doing it and actually does a decent job with the table. Perhaps your dd would rather sort laundry, fold clothes, dust, etc. Talk to her and see what she would rather do.

    Answer by baconbits at 2:36 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • We have full custody of my DH SD (11) i have a 4yr old and 1 yr old and 1 on the way. With SD and 4yr old after dinner everynight (aleast i try for everynight) they pick a chore stick. What that is is a popsicle stick with a chore on it. They both have 5 different ones and 1 is a freebie (no chore that night) my SD has: 1.Sweep kitchen floor 2.Take out all trash if garbage night take all trash to street too 3.Vaccuum and put front hall nicely (shoes etc.) 4. Vaccuum downstairs. 4yr old has 1.wipe off kitchen table and coffee table 2.pick up all shoes and put in front hall 3.wipe off bathroom counter 4.clean up toys downstairs
    As they get older they will get harder and actually 4yr old is always helping whenever i ask and will suprise me cleaning when i put 1 yr old down for a nap. SD has to forced to do anything.If its not done NO dessert or TV rest of the night LOL

    Answer by tomsjennabean at 2:40 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • For my 9 and 11 year olds, if I have to ask them more than once to do something, they start losing 15 minutes off their bedtime each time I have to ask them to do it. Also, they HAVE to do their chores, but if they do them well and without complaining then they get an allowance. It's an incentive to get them to do it without me having to hear about it! They also know they have to have their chores done before they get any screen time or go outside to play with friends.

    Answer by missanc at 2:41 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Get a copy of the Love & Logic book or CD called "Didn't I Tell You To Take Out The Trash?" I've used a lot of the suggestions from the CD with my teen who has ADHD, and most attempts have been successful.

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 2:42 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • That is not too much to ask. When chores don't get done then privileges are taken away. After all the chores you are asking are ones that help the household run smoothly and children are part of the household where as computer time, TV time, game system time, mp3 players, etc. are all privileges and don't have to be provided.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 2:48 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I don't think that's too much to ask. My 12 yr old is responsible for the livingroom, picking up the trash, dusting the end tables, vacuuming the floor (every day) and couches (every weekend). My 16 yr old is responsible for the kitchen, washing and putting away dishes, wiping down counters, sweeping and moping the floors. What I have found works best with my boys is negotiating the completion times. So if they haven't done a daily chore by the time I get home from work, I ask them what the plan was to get that done...usually its after I finish this video game or a commerical comes on..and they do it. If they don't do it or don't feel like it they bargain with me for another day. Which is okay sometimes, if the second time its not done, then I take away what they enjoy most their freedom; no friends, no FB, no texting until its done. It never comes down to that it, I've found it works better than controlling the time.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:33 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • "If you want children to keep their feet on the ground put some responsibility on their shoulders." Abigail Van Buren

    See the section under Chores/Responsibility  for ideas/tips/reading about kids and chores.


    Answer by momjs at 4:57 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • i know how it is my 9 year old won't clean because her sister always refuses to help and she is the one who makes most of mess. i even made the little one clean the mess up on her own one day, i get these excuses i am tired , i do not feel well. i told her ok i am tired of the toys and clothes on the floor so dad made you a toybox you refuse to use , so say goodbye to the toys and clothes on the floor when you run out you explain to the school why mom has to wash the same outfit everyday and you have to wear it to school. still have not done that to her clothes but i noticed she had a overabundance where my family was being so nice and constantly giving them clothes.

    Answer by WildCat73 at 5:35 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • We homeschool and my kids have certain chores they have to do before they start their schoolwork. Recently, they've been "forgetting" to do their chores and I got sick of reminding them. The new rule is that they have to do their chores ( at least certain ones) before they eat breakfast. Like, making their beds, and running the sweeper in the living room and sweeping the dining room.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 9:20 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Consistency is the best answer. my son will try to get out of anything and everything. I remind him, make him do it, redo it if its not right, and no matter what I learned not to do it for him because I did for so long and he was acting that way so I would just do it. Best of luck

    Answer by ConnectHearts at 9:43 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

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