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2 Bumps

What do i say to my dh to make him understand how i feel without him feeling like i'm presuring him?

i'm sure many of you have read my many vents about my husband..and many questions about ttc over time. thanks for all the answers. i still feel like i can't get anywhere with him. i've tried explaining to him how i feel. I've tried not mentioning sex and just doing it..he is always "too tired." when we do have sex its great but my anxiety goes through the roof when i think i'm ovulating and i want to have sex and he turns me down because he is tired. i've cried because of it. then i try to explain it to him..about if he wants a baby..this is the time to try and all he can say is he is sorry. i feel rejected. i try to explain to him the every other day thing..he can't do it. why can he not do this? How can i approach him without making it a chore when i already know i'm going to be rejected from him "tiredness"... i've done everything..it seems hopeless. would there be other reasons besides being tired my dh can't keep up with sex every other day? idk

 
shay1130

Asked by shay1130 at 4:09 PM on Feb. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Level 27 (32,809 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (27)
  • Yes, he can truly be as simple as he claims to be. If a person has never really stepped out of their comfort zone, or stepped of the box so to speak. Yes they can truly be that simple, because they have never opened up themselves and explored themselves. Knowing what your needs, wants and desires are takes some self exploration, a little adventure, and a little bit of stepping out of your comfort zone at first. Those are hard things for some people, man or woman. You can't really just bring these things out of him. You can encourage him to start exploring and accepting his own sexuality, but like the old saying goes "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink". He has to want to open up himself and explore himself, some people just are unwilling to do that.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:43 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • According to my husband, men do not want to know all the details about this stuff.  If your husband's agreed to trying to conceive, then maybe you need to just back off a bit. Stop talking about it.  Don't tell him when you're ovulating. If you know subtle things that excite him and get him in the mood, like maybe a certain blouse or something, then wear it when the time is right and play it cool...let him come to you, and whatever you do, do not mention TTC or ovulation or babies, etc.

    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 4:34 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I wonder if he feels pressured because you keep talking about it....like "if you want a baby"...kind of thing. I would stop talking about it all together. Keep track of when your ovulating and let that be the ONLY time YOU make advances. Maybe he's oversexed? lol Are you guys having too much sex? Are there other factors why he's "tired".
    Take a deep breath, regroup and take the stress out of it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Maybe you shouldn't try anymore like just do it spontaneously and don't tell him when your ovulating. And do it like in different places to spice it up, cause he may feel like its a chore almost. Good luck to both of you!
    bellaambru90

    Answer by bellaambru90 at 4:18 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Since this seems to be the norm.

    Have the two of you ever had a real open and honest discussion about sex and what is turn ons for the two of you? What ways of initiating really gets both your juices going? What you are both looking for, needing and wanting from your sexual relationship (other than procreation)?

    It sounds to me, based solely on what you have shared so far. That more emphasis is given towards sex when it's time for actual procreation and not recreation. There seems to be a lack of sexual communication between the two of you. You use code words and innuendo to try and communicate with one another about sex more than actually communicating with one another.

    The key to the issues had hand, could very well boil down to sexual communication. And improving the sexual communication between the two of you, could improve the entire situation all the way around.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:04 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • maybe he just doesn't want a baby..
    you could always go to a sperm bank.
    febmom007

    Answer by febmom007 at 4:14 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • There could be, but I'm not sure you want to go down that road. Maybe suggest he see a doctor if he's so tired, just to make sure he's healthy?

    Another option is to maybe consider adoption? There are TONS of kids that would love to have loving parents.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 4:14 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Try hitting him up in the morning. Guys seem to like it better. Try doing oral sex (if you are comfortable with that). Wear something sexy and fix yourself up. Wear lingerie. I'm always the pursuer too. It hurts my feelings when he turns me down but I have been trying to get past thinking that its me now that I know alot of moms on here have the same issue. Dont put so much pressure on yourself. Just enjoy it and dont stress about having a baby. Just focus on enjoying sex, when u do get it and hopefully before long it will happen.
    huntin_mama

    Answer by huntin_mama at 4:32 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Don't go all out getting sexy because that signals him that it's "that time" and it may actually backfire. Just do something that you know he likes, but that also looks like you aren't trying. You could even just be nice and cook something he likes.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 4:38 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • May I ask....

    When you aren't ovulating, how often do you initiate sex and how do you go about doing it? What is your sex life during your non-ovulation time?
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:50 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

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