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How do i get my 5yr old to stop cussing biting slapping and mouthing off????? HELP

My name is mandy i am a step mom of a 5 yr old her mom and dad split up in 06 i came in in 09 we were best of friends at first and she started having behavioral problems with her bio mom and her mom could not handle it. so she got sent out here.. everything was ok simple temper tantrums once in a while then the slapping came then the cussing then the biting. her dad and i spend alot of time with her she goes to work with me and has another kid to play with but as soon as we walk into our house the littlest thing anyone tells her to do sets her off. ive tried talking taking things i cant spank thats dads job. i dont know what to do. her dad is scared to discipline her fearing that she will hate him what do i do???

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Asked by needhelp501 at 4:33 PM on Feb. 8, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (12 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • She won't hate him. She will love him to pieces for the rest of her life. It may just be that she is testing him to see if he loves her enough to do what needs to be done. She needs to know that someone loves her enough to put a stop to her bad behavior. My husband spanked all three of our children. They are now 40, 37, and 33 and their dad is their biggest hero, and they have each told me how thankful they are that their dad loved them enough to make them respect him. If your husband doesn't take control now, things will get worse and not better.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:38 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Time outs. If she hits/kicks/bites/whatever she gets a warning, then she sits in a time out spot/chair/place for 5 minutes. yep, It's a Super Nanny technique, but has worked well in my house.

    Be her friend later, right now you need to teach her how to be a good person. Dad also needs to get on board with the discipline otherwise you're gonna have even more problems.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 4:39 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • My first reaction when I read your title was to just find the one thing they do not want and do that if/when bad attitudes and actions start. Some kids it's taking away privileges, some kids it's a smack on the butt, some kids it's sitting on the step...

    But I'm wondering if this little girl is suffering from anger issues. I would look for a child therapist in the area and get a consultation.

    Whether behavioral or mental, it's one of those things that needs to be "nipped in the bud" before she gets older. Good luck to you and to her!

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 4:41 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • It is time to set up 'house rules' and 'consequences' and dad HAS to step up and start handing out consequences/discipline. As for hating him, she may say she hates him when she is mad at him (or when she is being disciplined) but she will get over it . He can't let that fear (of being 'hated') stop him from taking control back and being the one in charge.
    My oldest will swear, and 1st time I hear it he gets warning #1, if i hear anymore he gets warning #2 and 3rd time is consequence- which is no computer/Xbox. It is important to stand your ground and be CONSISTENT. Counseling might also be a good idea, they can work with all of you to find ways or methods that might work for your family, and also address any other issues she may have. My oldest is in counseling and I can say that it has really helped us and given us the tools to work with him (he has Autism and anger issues).
    Good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 4:48 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I agree with everyone that he has to step up! Also this sounds like my daughter at that age also. She was diagnosed bipolar. Maybe rule that out? GL!

    Answer by harris4 at 5:01 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • First thing, Dad needs to get on board with disciplining her. She should not be allowed to run the house, that is the job of the parent. What I do, is first put her in a time out. 5 minutes because that is how old she is. And it only starts once she sits or stands still. If she keeps getting out of the corner, put her back. If the behavior continues, I hate to say it but spank her. I have only spanked my daughter a handful of times and she is 6. She gets the point and I am sure yours will too.

    Answer by momma2grlz at 6:50 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • It sounds like she may need some counseling. And side note... how do you feel about raising a child that you can't discipline? If you all believe in spanking, then why can't you spank her??

    Answer by Proverbs_31 at 11:25 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Have you considered this child may have a behavioral disorder as well? Possible emotional disorders, or learning disability? Impulsive behavior, hitting and yelling tend to be more frequent for children with sensory issues that come with a disorder. He needs to go to a doctor or specialist and get checked out. It could hurt him in school, socially and emotionally if it isn't handled. Especially as he gets bigger.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:30 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

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