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At my witts end with my 7 yr old sons behavior...

I really don't know what to do. I have had long talks with him. I have lectured him, taken away every toy he owns and still everyday he brings home a note from his teacher about how he isn't doing his work during class or misbehaving. He also has a ton of homework because he isn't doing it at school, everyday. I send him to his room the minute he gets home until his work is done but he sits in there and kicks something to get attention or goes to the bathroom constantly. He rarely finishes the homework... and I've tried doing it with him and it just ends up being me telling him the answers or him whining about how much he hates homework until I send him to his room. I have no idea what to do and this is just getting worse and worse. I am worried that it has something to do with my depression but I can't fix anything right now because I am just....depressed. I don't know how to try harder or what else I can do.. like I said I have talked to him to see whats going on and all I hear is that he doesn't like school. Now Im not only depressed, I'm feeling like Im failing my children because I havent a clue how to fix this but its getting to the point he might be held back a year. Im failing him. I need some serious advice.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:34 PM on Feb. 8, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (19)
  • Go to school with him one day. It will embarass the heck out of him, and he will be on his best behavior alllll day for his teachers just because you're there. Parents at the school that my husband works at do it all the time with kids that are being a problem. As for his homework, see if you can get with the teachers that he's having the most problems with and see if they offer after school tutoring.
    hippomom1919

    Answer by hippomom1919 at 5:37 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • When he comes home from school. Give him a snack and 15 minutes free time. Then you sit with him and work with him until the homework is done. He needs you there to keep him focused. Try to make it a fun time.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 5:38 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I would check into homeschooling him.
    mom2queenie2004

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 5:40 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I would work with his Teacher and come up with a plan that would help the both of you. It sounds to me like your depression is keeping you from being able to help him, and he's having trouble concentrating, and he's also fallen behind so he's probably not understanding the work.
    A tutor sounds like a good place to start, but also keeping him in the same room with you when he does his work, so you can bring him back on task, instead of him acting up because of no supervision. He must feel like you're just pushing him aside when you send him to his room, and out of your hair. I'm sorry to sound so blunt, but you can't send him out of the room, and expect him to do it on his own.
    I too have a 7 yr old, and I know that at times they have to be reminded of what they're supposed to do, and stay on top of them so they don't fall off track. Message me if you need any more ideas, suggestions, etc..
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 5:44 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Be sure that you are actively conferencing with his teachers to try and figure out what is going on. Please keep in mind that elementary school is the time when alot of learning disabilities, hearing and sight defieincies are diagnosed. make sure that the ped has tested his hearing and sight. It may also be worth a developmental assessment by his school psychologist. It is best to catch stuff like ADD early, so that he can be treated.
    Depression . . . yes . . . . seeing you depressed could definately be causing/contributiong to his behavior. Make sure you are setting a good example by going to therapy. taking your meds, meditating, exercising . . whatever it is that helps you. Vocalize to him that you are doing thing to make you feel good and healthy. That may calm his nerves.
    And, yes, a 7 year old probably needs to to sit with him and guide him through all assignments. It is ALOT of homework, I know.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 5:45 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • "I would check into homeschooling him." (mom2queenie2004's idea)

    I don't think that would work in this situation. Being clinically depressed is going to make it very difficult to handle him home all day everyday.. JMO.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 5:47 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Get someone else involved. His dad, a grandfather, an uncle, a neighbor, but a male who will deal with him "man to man."
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:54 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I agree, homeschooling sounds like the worst idea in this situation. maybe telling him he WILL be held back might be enough of a scare for him to start doing his homework?? Is he capable of doing it? Like does he know the work and he's just not doing it or does he really not GET it.. I had ADHD and it made it SO hard for me to "Get it" no matter how much I asked or tried..it wasn't sinking in.. not sure how i passed but I did, barely.. but maybe a tutor? Don't send him in his room to do homework, maybe a room in the middle of the house where he doesn't have things surrounding him.. make sure no tv or radio is on to distract him.. good luck..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:55 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Thank you all so very much for your comments. As for the working with the teacher, I have. Plan in place and all. I have gone to the school and sat with him during class. Don't worry about being blunt, I wanted advice and you guys were very helpful, and very kind. We have all just been through some really hard times lately, losing family members left and right. It's just a lot for a little mind to handle, mine too. But, I did sit down and talk with him a few moments ago. I asked him again whats really going on, if there was something he was going through that he hasn't told me. He started to cry and told me he misses his father. He lives quite far away and hasn't had much contact with him, they see him just a few times a year. They don't really have male role models so that is what they got. I used to be able to handle the single mom thing really well, lately it's just been very difficult. Thanks again.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:33 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • This sounds very much like ADHD. I recommend having him evaluated to see if he does have ADHD or some other issue. My daughter had very similar problems with homework and school work at that age, and I was so opposed to having her labeled or medicated I kept trying all sorts of things. It was miserable for all of us. Finally when she was 12 I realized nothing I had tried had worked at all and it wasn't getting any better, so I finally had her evaluated. Getting her some medication made a big difference for everyone in our family. She still has some issues with school, but it's better. I really feel guilty about not doing something sooner.  My husband and I also took a Love and Logic parenting class around the same time she diagnosed with ADHD, and that helped us too.

    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 6:43 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

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