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2 Bumps

So is it really better if I stay in the home with my kids if...

I don't want to be there? All I do is go through the motions of getting them fed, clean and alive. There is no feeling in it. I love them as in I feel the need to defend and protect them but I do not have nay attachment. Is it not better I step out and allow DH to find them a more suitable mother? Really I am not that great. they could do better.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:53 PM on Feb. 8, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • My personal thoughts.

    No. The key to being the best mom and wife a woman can be is......... Being the best "them" they can be, being the best woman they can be. A woman, any woman, can not be the best wife and mother if she is not the best "me" that she can be. If a wife/mother is unhappy, unfulfilled, dissatisfied with her life, how can she provide/create a happy fulfilling satisfying home life for her family. If a woman is not mentally, emotionally and physically well/healthy, how can she take care of her family/provide for their needs to the best of her ability. Some women are more than happy and thrive being SAHMs. Some women do not. The key is for each woman to do what is best for HER, and what makes her happy. The old saying " If momma isn't happy.. no one is.." does have quite a bit of truth to it.

    Leaving isn't the answer. Finding yourself IS the answer.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 6:05 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Quanity is better than quality in certain situations... If you don't feel a bond with your children then maybe seek therapy, and learn why you don't feel an attachment to them. They deserve at least that much... You don't have to be the perfect doding mother, but it's at least worth a try..
    Also what I meant by quanity, over quality is it doesn't mean you have to entertain them, and shower them with material things, it doesn't matter what you're doing , it's that you're there, and they need that...
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 6:00 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • No, it is not. Please talk to a counselor or your doctor, there may be some depression issues going on for you . . . that can make you feel very detached.
    Also, some moms find a lot of relief in getting back to work, and letting a nanny or daycare help with the kids. That's okay . . being a stay at home mommy isn't for everyone. We are all different.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 6:04 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Your first step should be therapy to try and understand why you feel no attachment towards your children; is this something you've felt since they were born? Or is it something that developed later? Did you want children before they were born? It's very possible you could be suffereing from a number of mental illnesses which can be treated, if you want to get better. However if therapy does not work out and you still believe you are doing more harm than good I would not blame you for leaving. It's impossible to know how your abscense will affect your children; I've worked in counseling centers that dealt exlucisvely with chilren - so I know that sometimes growing up in a home with an emotionally distance parent can cause as much or even more damage than growing up with an absent parent. It's also possible what you're feeling will worsen with time if you don't get help, resentment and anger could be the next level.
    momof2inCT2007

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 6:06 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I think that you need to think of what that will do to your children... In my opinion you are being selffish! Go to counseling and lkike theabove person said do some things for yourself! leaving your kids is not the answer! Remember too that there is no picture perfect situation and YOU are the only mother they know! THINK ABOUT HOW THEY WOULD FEEL!!!!!!!
    rebeccadac

    Answer by rebeccadac at 6:02 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I don't think ALL mothers feel attachment ALL the time. I think there are certain times when we just don't feel it. It's depression, or some other form of mental disorder. If you never felt any kind of attachment, then something seriously is wrong. But when you are just out of sorts inside, it's hard to down right impossible to feel any sort of attachment to anyone. Sometimes the advice of fake it till you make it works. But that's not always the best thing to do. I'd suggest getting some therapy. But don't just walk away from your kids. You need to do everything you can to 'fix' whatever has gone awry.
    I have been there, feeling my kids would be better off without me, or with a different mom. It doesn't feel good. But for as much as they drive me crazy, and for as much as I drive them crazy, I am their mom. No one could love them like I do.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 6:07 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • You need to take a weekend vacation and figure this out. Don't abandon your kids please.
    tiddliwinks

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 6:09 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • "Leaving isn't the answer. Finding yourself IS the answer"

    this^^^^^

    Leaving won't help yo uwith anything. Your issues are always there no matter how far you run. When you leave, you will only have more issues at hand.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 6:23 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • NO. Kids need their mother. Abandoment can do horrible things to children mentally. Do something that makes you happy, and you will probably feel happier around your kids.
    Namaste17

    Answer by Namaste17 at 5:55 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • seek counseling, not just personal counseling, but couples' counseling with your partner as well. They all need you to be there - you are an invaluable part of your kids lives!! Don't give up on them, and don't give up on yourself.
    hippomom1919

    Answer by hippomom1919 at 6:05 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

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