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My 9-year old daughter is in the fourth grade. She's been getting F's and D's. Her punishment is that when she gets home from school, she is to go upstairs to her room and do her homework. She only comes downstairs to eat or to use the bathroom. Apparently, that doesn't work. I don't know what to do. I've been up there helping her with her homework. Something's gotta work. I need some input.

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lil-mama-vegas

Asked by lil-mama-vegas at 8:19 PM on Feb. 8, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (34 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • have you asked her if it is hard to concentrate? she may need add meds
    or a tutor
    jesslovesyou08

    Answer by jesslovesyou08 at 8:24 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Have you sat down with her while she's doing her homework? Does she understand the material, or does she just need better study habits? Have you spoke with her teacher? Does he/she have any idea of what the issue may be?
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:30 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • My 11yo SD is also getting Fs and Ds. When she gets these grades for "difficulty with material", we don't want to punish her, but encourage her. She stays after when needed with teachers to go over the material, and we do exercises with her at our house. However, some of her grades are for "missing assignments" or "work not turned in", and my DH and I are at our limit! We've taken away her cell phone at our house, we make her turn in homework even if it's late (and if it's so late the teacher won't accept it, we make her turn it in to us). A big problem is BM, who is also the custodial parent. She wants to be a friend, not a parent, so discipline is only enforced a few days a week (most weekends and every Wed) when the kids are at our house. Ok, that last part was venting and not constructive. :-) Have you tried taking away certain priveleges, or creating homework assignments for her if she doesn't have any that day?
    hrh.sassypants

    Answer by hrh.sassypants at 8:38 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • You need to work with her and evaluate why she is getting poor grades. Is she not understanding. Does she need help focusing. Is her mind on other things?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:41 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I've taken her things away, I've grounded her, I've helped her with her homework (if she brought home her materials needed to do her homework) I have tried to talk to her about what is going on. I am so disappointed. After I pick her up from the school, one of the first things she tells me about her day is about the boys and her little friends. I don't know what else to do...
    lil-mama-vegas

    Comment by lil-mama-vegas (original poster) at 12:35 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • My son was struggling with grades, not seeming to care, not bringing his work home, and not turning in assignments. Did all I could as well. Hate to say what worked was me sitting him down and being brutally honest that if he failed it was his own fault. I explained to him that the teachers can and will fail him and I wouldn't blame them for hiim not doing his work. It sounds kind of mean but true and sometimes the kids need to hear the brutal truth of their actions. May not work but may as well. Wish you the best of luck.
    ConnectHearts

    Answer by ConnectHearts at 7:58 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I do have a similar issue with my 12 yr old son. He was doing well and once they removed him from his IEP his math and social studies grades started slipping from C's to D's. I sent a note to the teacher asking what we can do to help him, I'm scared to death once hits JR high (next year) that he won't be able to keep up. He is bringining his work home to be double checked by me. I've asked my older son to help him as well. So far he's brought both those grades back up to a C.
    I also don't agree with punishment, my brother got beat every day by mother with a belt because his grades were poor and he wasn't handing work in...turned out he was dyslexic...I'm not sure how guilty my mom felt after that. I'd do whatever I could to work with the school and talk seriously with my child about the risk to her future if she fails. I told my son he'd be held back in 6th if he couldn't get passing grades. He's at least trying now.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 11:53 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I think you would agree that there's an issue going on with your daughter and school. Being that school is very important, I would begin looking into what's causing the problems in her school work. Has she turned in all her assignments? Is she focusing in school? the best way to do this is to talk with the teacher and find out ways to help your child. And to be honest with you, when she begins talking about boys, I would make it clear to her that she's too young to have boys on the brain. Her main focus should be school and anything contrary to that is unacceptable. And also, when you begin taking things away from her, she gets the idea in her head, that you're taking it away but what did she learn from it? Sometimes in disciplining your child, the consequences has to fit the crime and until you figure out why she's having this type of trouble in school she shouldn't be punished but helped and encouraged to do better.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:55 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • have you asked the school to have her assessed to see if she has learning issues ? if not how about some positive reinforcment ? you have punshed her for being bad and it hasnt worked . so switch it ! first put her at the kitchen table , low music on the radio but no tv on .go over the homework due and make sure she understands how to do it , ( have her explain it to you to be sure ) then whats her favorite treat ? A little hersheys kiss for every page done , a trip to the movies for a weeks worth done . etc . a new out fit for breinging up a grade. you get the picture .... if she chosses not to cooperate then she chooses NOT TO DO ANYTHING ELSE EITHER .
    nanafor5

    Answer by nanafor5 at 9:33 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • I've been trying to figure out what I could do as a punishment for the bad grades. I've lectured her... I've grounded her, taken her mp3 player, no TV, no DS, no extra computer time, and bed time one hour earlier. I figured it out. She loves Justin Beiber and all those new Disney movies and shows... she loves music. I could tell her that when she improves her grades, she can download 5 new cool songs to her mp3 pplayer... or she could go to the movies, get a new outfit! That's excellent! Thank you everyone for your input. I am crossing my fingers but this should really work, knowing my daughter.
    lil-mama-vegas

    Comment by lil-mama-vegas (original poster) at 5:17 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

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