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Seriously? She is being hateful towards me AND my neice....

My brother and his wife have 2 kids , a 12 year old girl and an 8 year old boy . Their son looks like a perfect mix of him and her ( my brothers eyes, her nose, etc ) ..... but their daughter looks exactly like ME .... she always has and I have been thrilled, because I have 2 children who look nothing like me lol ( my daughter looks like my husband and my son looks like my brother - which is why I always playfully teased them that it was only fair since one of my ids looked like him, that one of his had to look like me) ...

I understand that she probably wants her daughter to look like her ( I wanted my daughter to look like me too, even though she turned out beautiful exactly how she is) ... My sister in law is very petite, straight blonde hair and light blue eyes, my brother also has blondish hair and hazel eyes ( he looks like our dad, I look like my mom ) .... I am tall with a bigger built ( I have a big chest and big butt lol ), I have dark thick curly hair, and big green eyes.... and that sounds exactly how she looks ( you can tell she is going to have my build) ... photos from when I was younger are identical to her now.

So anyways.... I have always liked my SIL, but now she is making it hard to. We have always teased each other ( not just about this) ..but now she is getting carried away and now I think my neice is not getting treated the best way ... My SIL actually told her ( and is planning on ) taking her to a salon to get her hair professionally straighted and colored ( high lights) ... and is constantly on her about working out ( she isnt chubby at all, just a bigger frame) and I think that is putting way to much pressure on a 12 year old... especially now when she is getting to the age where she is going to start worrying about her looks and now her mom is adding to that ... ( my niece use to talk about how she likes her hair and we even have a joke that curling irons were invented so people can have our pretty hair) ....

So when i am around and I hear these little remarks I do say things like " that was mean" or "she is only a kid" ... I know that this is HER child but, would you sit her down and have a talk with her.... In our family it is common for all of us to be in each others buisness but the way she is acting now it is very hard to talk to her...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on Feb. 8, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (7)
  • Talk to your brother, not his wife. If you talk to her you will only cause a HUGE rift in the family and that isn't good either.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 10:14 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • try talking to your brother and telling him that you are worried about your nieces self esteem because her mother is saying stuff about her looks that arent very nice

    Answer by jesslovesyou08 at 10:16 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I would talk to her and stop discussing the simularity u have w/ her DD. GL.

    Answer by pswiley at 10:16 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • SleepingBeautee is right. Talk to your brother (assuming your brother has a filter and knows when/how/what to relay to his wife). It's a sticky situation. If you were to say "(your niece's name) is beautiful the way she is" or talk about her personality/achievement, would your sister-in-law be offended? Maybe divert the attention from beauty to something your niece is really good at.

    Answer by Olivia4116 at 10:20 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • It isnt like we constantly talk about how much she looks like me... I mean we did when she was a baby but now it is like a given ( everyone already knows we dont have to say it lol ) .....

    I am over there or they are over here a few times a week and I always try to tell her ( her mom is there in ear shot usually) about how proud I am of her and of how great she is in school - she is always getting good grades and doing good on projects.... and she is in choir and plays basketball ...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:38 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • You owe it to your niece to be her advocate, but just make sure you act in love, leave out any cattiness.

    Answer by Proverbs_31 at 11:57 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • i agree with above!

    Answer by san78 at 7:14 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

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