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Her daughter is perfect!!

Ok so I have been best friends with this girl for almost 10 years I love her to death I really do. My son and her daughter are 10 months apart my son is older. When they have play dates she can be well mean and my son can be a bit whiney. She will not share certain things lock him out of the playroom and to me these things are mean. My friend does nothing about it she always just says well he crys alot or well she just got those flash cards last week. I how ever dont care if my son just got the toy 5 minutes ago he will share or go to time out. I have tried to talk to her about it but she always pointbuts the finger at my son. I know he is not perfect and no child should be. I know my son can be a brat just like anyone elses child its expected. But I do not allow him to treat his friends that way. when he was younger and things like this would happen my son woul pushd a kid or take what he wanted but I knew that was wrong and taught him different but now you wanna complain that he crys well I feel like just saying well would you rather he knock her on her butt? I dont know what to do so any ideas would help I have been avoiding play dates.. Am I over reacting?

 
Destins_Mommy

Asked by Destins_Mommy at 12:25 AM on Feb. 9, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 15 (1,960 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Next time she comes over, when her kid wants a toy yours has say (LOUDLY, obvious that you want her to hear you ) " WE share OUR toys, what a good boy, good sharing!!" And same thing, when her dd takes something away, say " NO, we dont grab toys, we ask politly if we may play with them, and then we wait nicly" MAYBE she might get the hint....hopefully.
    minimo77

    Answer by minimo77 at 3:45 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I'm not sure how old the children are, but I do know sharing is not a concept grasped by children until 5 years of age, and even then its iffy. No, its not ok to allow kids to hit/bite/push one another, but when you force a young child to share they don't understand eventually they will get their toy back. In their mind you just took their "favorite" toy gave it to this random person, and then told them to get over it. You wouldn't like it if you were forced to share your car at the drop of a hat everyday, or your pillow, or your favorite book when you were in the middle of reading it. As an adult we understand these objects are coming back, but small children don't. So a better option might be to find 2 similar toys, so both get one, or set a timer and when it dings switch the toy that's being fought over. Children's temperaments are different and your sons crying to her is probably as annoying to her as her daughters pushing
    ba13ygrl1987

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 12:33 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Unfortunately, things like this sometimes end good friendships. If she can't play nice on play dates, then they wot happen. Kids need to learn to share and how to behave around others, and it sounds like she will always be the mom making excises for her daughter and letting her get away with everything, none of which YOU can change about her. You can either deal with it, or keep avoiding play dates. I'd say talk to her, but if you're already blue in the face, then it's probably moot.
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:28 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • You treat people the way you want to be treated. If she doesn't understand what's going on, give her a reason...he's whiny because...her child does.... that sort of thing. Their home their rules, but unless you are required to take his toys over there so he has something to play with, she needs a reality check.

    I have a friend that is like this about her child...about her child's things and I'm like you in some ways. I haven't said anything to the mother (she's pregnant and who knows where her hormones lead), but she needs to be sat down and explained that things need to change. I'm sure you can look elsewhere for play dates if things don't work out...sorry you are going through this. best of luck!
    Imortlmommy

    Answer by Imortlmommy at 12:30 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Same here ive been friends with my friend for about 9 years and her daughter and my youngest are 6 wks apart(mines older) and she does the same thing her daughter pouts about every lil thing and takes toys from my daughter then goes and crys to her mom when my daughter takes it back . We actually gotten into a fight (verbal) cuz she told me my daughter was "naughty" and she be in time out cuz her daughter was fighting over the hose and it fell on her so she told her my daughter hit her. (which she didtn the hose it her) we didnt talk for about 3 months and then she strarted coming around again. and i know my daughter can be braty at times but i had her daughter at my oldest bday party (her mom was at work) and seh cryed over everything ( she cryed when my daughter blew out teh candles pouted over present time i had to hold her instead of watching my daughter open her presents) so no ur not over reacting maybe the best thing
    Cherriemama831

    Answer by Cherriemama831 at 12:34 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • is to not have so many playdates maybe like once a month
    Cherriemama831

    Answer by Cherriemama831 at 12:34 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I had a daycare in my home and my rule with my own kids was "if you have a special toy say a gift from grammie, then it belongs in YOUR room" anything at our house in the playroom is fair game. To give my kids a sense of having their own special things, they were allowed certain toys in their room they only belonged to them. You know I had a neighbor and we had this same problem, only I had the boy she had the girl and the girl whined all the time and they catered to her every whim. She constantly commented on how she thought my son was mean to her daughter or that she thought my son might have ADHD (he doesnt), for my sanity I avoided her for a long while. Turns out once her kid hit 3yrs old, she suddenly was awakened to a whole new world, let's just say we get along better now and she is the one struggling with an overpowering child LOL








    Heather_F

    Answer by Heather_F at 12:45 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I guess my point is, either she will sit back and acknowledge the situation or she wont. My neighbor once struggling with the terrible 3's decided it was a hard phase (my son is older by 7mos) she then became more understanding. Her perfect daughter morphed into some child who at any given moment would thrown down in an all out hissy fit, I was there to offer advice and she could see for herself how much more calmer my son seemed to be lately at that time so we in turn got along better. Its a sticky situation for sure, and I think it boils down to know matter how long you've known each other, you have different parenting styles and that is something you can either work thru or not kwim?
    Heather_F

    Answer by Heather_F at 12:48 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • This little girl is being cruel to your child; you need to stop putting your son in this situation. Visit with your friend without children
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:32 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • i agree, if the other mom doesn't want to teach her child anything, then i would find someone else to have play dates with. and if she asks why you don't come over like you used to, tell her b/c her dd is mean, and she wouldn't stop it. my friends two boys arne't allowed in my house. i made thaat clear to my friend the day i came back from her watching my son with her two kids and my house was destroyed! juice on the floor in the kitchen, food all over the living room, dish soap on the counter, and the whole can of fish food, in the tank. she was outside on the porch on her cell phone.......nice, huh? so we either go to her house, or when they come here, they play outside. they come in to pee or eat lunch, and then right back out.
    my point is you have to set rules with your friends as well as with children. otherwise, find new friends.
    mama2bof2

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 8:08 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

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