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Is It Normal to Feel this Way?

I'm a new Mom with a 10 week old. I love my DD more than anything. But I find myself feeling very resentful toward DH. He barely helps me at all! I feel like a single mother. He's getting plenty of sleep while I'm exhausted. He comes home and plops down in front of the video games. Then, he sends me on a million errands and has me working my tail off. The icing on the cake came the other day. He invited 10 people over for the Superbowl without asking me. I would've said I didn't feel up to it. The day of the Superbowl came and he slept until 11am while I cleaned the house, did the shopping and cooked the food. The night before I told him I would need help. I got no help at all. I invited no one yet I get stuck doing everything on top of taking care of the baby and my stepson. This is just one example. I feel like most DH's don't help and I was just trying to get a feel for how many other new Mom's feel like this...

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:29 AM on Feb. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You need to talk to him. My DH was very helpful, he worked a full-time job, traveled a lot for work, and still managed to do anything I needed. It was wrong of him to invite 10 people over and not ask you first, doubly so because he didn't even help.

    Answer by Scuba at 6:34 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • i feel the same way sometimes. mine works all day, come home, has a few beers and goes to bed. he'll take dd,9 weeks, while i make her a bottle b/c my wrist hurts.
    hes not into the video games and stuff, and we rarely have people over, but if he were into the games, it would be out the front door in the snow, and those 10 people? wouldve needed to bring their own food, or dh can cook.
    have a baby to care fo 24/7 is stressful enough with out the husbands thinking their job is done!
    i've told my husband, i didn't make her myself. if i am doing dishes or laundry when u walk in from work and she is crying, pick her!!!! how hard is it? and god forbid you make dinner for our son if me and baby pass out on the couch!
    lol. just talk to him. tell him how you feel and that it isnt fair for him to treat you like a slave. tell him he needs to start helping you around the house. good luck mama!

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 6:44 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Your husband is not doing his part, no wonder you are so exhausted....Bless your heart....I would talk to him about this...he's treating you like a doormat, his own personal servant and that is not acceptable...Talk to him...and at a minimum, don't run extra errands for him, let the house go if he won't help, and the next time he invites people over without telling you first, don't help him, take the baby and go and if he wants to he can clean the house, cook, and entertain by himself...

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:13 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I can soooo picture what I would have done on Sunday if he was sleeping that late... even 8 I'd probably go in turn on the lights, take off the covers, hand him a list and tell him you were busy so if he wanted people over then he could take care of it. I'm not normally a jerk like that but that would piss me off enough to be that extreme!
    Maybe you should write him a letter, I did this for dh after our 1st was born then he deployed and i was like no way am I staying married to someone like that (we had a lot of other things to work on as well) but I wrote a 5 page letter and sent it to him and he finally got it and when he came home it was a 180 difference. Good luck with everything.

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 7:19 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • You're doing to much. You need to put some responsibility on him. Why would he do anything when he knows you'll always do everything. I agree with marine wife on this one. You should have woke his ass up, even if you had to throw some cold water on him (only half kidding!!) and tell him if he wanted people over he had to organize. You see about your baby and let some things go. Stop cooking dinner for a couple days, he'll either starve or cook something himself. I find that some men need to be forced into situations to get them to wake up sometimes. Leave the errands out especially if its stuff for him i.e dry cleaning and so forth, you'll see he'll start to get the picture. And you also have to talk to him and let him know exactly where you stand and what you need!

    Answer by gutterflower585 at 7:33 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • You really need to sit him down and talk (not bitch) to him. My DH helps out a lot. For instance, last night my back was hurting very badly, so he cooked supper for him and the kids and cleaned the kitchen. He's always willing to help me out around the house. It hasn't always been that way though. I had to sit him down and really tell him what I needed in a non-nagging manner.

    Answer by KWnavywife at 7:35 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I think MOST young mothers feel or have felt this way at one time or another. I know I did. If you can't speak to your husband about it and he make some adjustments, then you'll just have to resort to the fact that things won't change. It is not good to be resentful, as it will affect your relationship in so many ways. Some men just don't see that because we don't have a job outside the home, that we don't like feel "put upon" for everything concerning the home & family. They also should realize that when they help us, they earn BIG TIME "brownie points" with us and it benefits them greatly in the area of love & romance. Best wishes! I wished I had advice for you that would change him, but only he can do that. Just try not to be so resentful. It will put a BIG barrier between you and your husband, which is not good.

    Answer by etexmom at 9:16 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I got a rude awakening when my first ds was born. I was up every two hours bfing the baby, I had to get up at 5:30 to go to work. I had all the household things to do and I really, really resented my dh because his life didn't change a bit! And what caused more stress was he still expected me to want to go out all the time and he was angry with me for wanting to stay with the baby. I don't think these feelings are "normal" but I think they are common because men don't have to change and have no clue what we go through. I'd say talk to him and let him know how you feel.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:50 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

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