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How do I tell my SO that I may have had PostPartum Depression?

I never opened up about it to anyone. But, I was severely depressed for well over a year after our DD was born. She is almost 3 now and I might sort of be getting over it. I don't think depressing thoughts and other horrible things (as often). It was way worse before. I could barely get out of bed in the morning. I cried every night. I was a single WAHM, still taking online college courses (which i eventually dropped and plan to get back to).

*I never sought to harm my child. I love her too much. If anything, she is the ONLY reason I'm still here.*

I'm a little more social now with my friends (which really helps). I get up and work out before DD wakes up. (I love keeping myself in shape. running, i still lack motivation for. I can't do that everyday) I enjoy going out occasionally. Cooking and whatever. Things I used to enjoy before I can enjoy again. And so on...

Her father is very kind to me. He works a lot. He's never done me (or more importantly our DD) wrong. We've known each other for several years. We're like best friends. We plan to get married soon and I feel it'd be important to tell him what I went through BEFORE we tie the knot. Just to let it out. But every time we talk... I can never find the strength to tell him.

It'll probably get really awkward (a stupid reason not to say anything). Knowing him and how he his, it's not like I'm worried he'll leave me. He's not like that. But still, I think he may be hurt that I felt this way all these months and never opened up to him about it.

How should I tell him? Have any of you gone through similar situations?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Feb. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Honesty is best. I don't know if ppd can last for years, but regular depression can. You might want to talk to your doctor too. It could come back. Just be open with him. He has probably been worried about you.

    Answer by Marwill at 9:37 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • PPD can last for a long time, particularly if it isn't managed correctly and it sounds as if yours wasn't.

    What concerns me is your reticence to discuss it with your support system (your SO). I know, it's hard to be vulnerable even when you have a good person in your life. When I had PPD after our second child, I didn't want to admit that I had a problem, I thought that doing so would cause people to freak out and then I'd feel even crappier. What finally happened was, I was unable to recognize myself in the mirror, and that scared me so badly that I felt that I had to say something about my feelings just so my husband wouldn't be confused. It was the smartest thing I could have done, he helped keep me grounded while I sought help and recovered.
    Talk to your SO. He wants you to be healthy and it sounds like he's a giving person.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:50 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • You could start by referring to some of the symptoms he might've noticed, like, "Had you noticed that I was having less and less contact with my friends?" or "Had you noticed that I was in a sad/bad mood almost all the time, except when I was with DD?" stuff like that. when he answers, be truthful with him and explain the reason why. Use other examples to show him what you mean. And make sure you tell him how you feel now.

    Also, I agree with Marwill. This could come back. You should see your doctor and see what he/she suggests you do about it.

    Answer by Dalimonster at 9:52 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • *Smiles*~... if you've been going through this, this long... he has to of noticed. Hopefully all is well now, but best handled by a doctor...

    Just be bluntly honest, I am surrounded by males (most of my life) and they don't do hinting too well... ask any woman that has left HER magazine open to an ad for something SHE wants than wonders why hubby got something else.... hahahha

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 10:15 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • LOL! yes. I get that men are horrible at picking up on things. I'm actually a full supporter of telling men clearly what you want so you won't be disappointed later. because you most likely WILL be disappointed later. at least my SO is somewhat 'smart' enough to ask me what i want before spending money. and Fistandantalus is right. i am pretty reticent. i have a great difficulty opening up about my thoughts and feelings. i hate feeling vulnerable. i'm a great liar when it comes to how i really feel. which is a horrible thing to be 'great' at. which is probably why my doctors never noticed. i've been on the verge of wanting to kill myself and i'll act like i'm totally fine. which is scary. i understand what i'm doing is horrible. and makes me feel like a total coward. thus the anon. go ahead throw an anon joke in there. idk. i will tell him. i just have to make myself do it. i want to be strong enough to tell him in person too.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:27 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Its ok I went through it with my DD 4 yrs ago and recently realized since having my son i had been goign through it agian. with my daughter i didnt tell anyone i faked it to make it i was going thru a custody battle and was afraid if anyone knew i would loose my daughter. i went bck to school got a second job more friends and i worked it out. i had to drop out of school b//c she had needed 24hr care (she was sick) and I was really afraid she was going to die but once she pulled thru i focused all my attention on making our lives better and i talked botu what was going on with my friends and i got thru it. MY fiance noticed the change before i did and he has been very supportive. i explained to him what it was what were the causes and told him to be patient with me while i get thru this and he has.

    Answer by jazmya_mom at 10:38 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Mine lasted a long time, and I suffered through it alone because 1. My mother "didn't believe in ppd" and 2. My dh just wasn't interested in what I was saying. I did finally get help (medication). And I've learned it's nothing to be ashamed of! Although you do run into people who don't believe it exists and say hurtful things. If you trust him, then tell him. He will understand why you kept it to yourself.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:45 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

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