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How do I tell my husband of 14 yr that I'm not "in love" with him anymore?

He packed up and left me and my 3 kids about 3 mths ago. Now he wants to step back in and be the family we were before his affair. I don't think I love him as a husband anymore. He wants to do counseling to mend our marriage. I am not interested in mending how do I tell him that so he "gets" it?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Feb. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • leave
    mothermayiam

    Answer by mothermayiam at 10:08 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Zoeyis, she said she doesn't WANT counseling, that SHE knows it's over.....

    OP, since he is already gone and you've moved on and know you don't want to get back together you just have to be honest. If you know you can't trust him and that you're not in love with him, just say no, that it's over and you want to move on with your life and that other than being a father to the kids, he doesn't have a roll in your life anymore. Dragging it out isn't fair, so while it may be difficult to say, it's something you have to do.
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 10:11 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • He made a choice. He chose another woman. You are not a sometimes wife. You don't want to be with someone that doesn't want you. And, if he will go to the extreme of moving out for another woman once, who's to say he won't do it again. All your trust is gone. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 10:12 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Just be completely honest with him and yourself! If you let him back in knowing you feel this way, you will probably regret it.
    jmgblair10

    Answer by jmgblair10 at 10:12 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I am trying to figure out the same thing.... why are men so stubborn? no advice but bump!
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 10:22 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I would give him a chance, but I would not let him move back in until after we had done the counseling and I was satisfied that his heart had been changed. You have three children and they deserve every chance they can get at a stable, loving home. I am today watching the results of what happens when the adults let it be only about themselves, and it is for sure not a pretty picture. You would not be just "taking him back." You would be saying, "Okay. I've heard what you have said. Now show me the actions to back it up, but show them to me from somewhere other than our own home." If he is willing to prove that he means business, then give your marriage and your family a chance. But do not be in a hurry to swallow what he says at face value.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:26 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Since you're not interested in giving him a second chance. Tell him plain as day I.... AM NOT.... IN..... LOVE WITH YOU...... ANYMORE. and tell him why, "you chose to have a relationship with another woman while being married to me. you ruined our family and I am not interested in trying to start over."

    Being betrayed in a marriage can be a terrible pain! ebven though you may not want marriage counseling you may want to get counseling for yourself to help you heal!
    jazmya_mom

    Answer by jazmya_mom at 10:30 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I would tell him no. I could never trust him again. He made a choice and he had an affair. Now you tell him you made your choice and it is over. It took him 3 mths to figure out what he had, shame on him. No body deserves that type of disrespect.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Speaking as a child you came from parents that stayed together because of me, I wouldn't stay just for the kids. It makes it worse for us because when you get older and it does break up, the child still ends up scarred. I think children are resilient and once it is done in a tasteful way, they'll be okay. It's better that the children live with two parents that are apart and happy than together and miserable. He left you for someone else. His choice. So now he has to deal with it. You just have to be honest and firm and let him know that you two will always be there for the kids but its time for you to start a new life..
    gutterflower585

    Answer by gutterflower585 at 11:06 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Change the locks and tell him, Too LITTLE, Too LATE!! Now that he saw the grass isn't greener, he wants to come back. TELL HIM NO!!! Good Luck!
    eluc

    Answer by eluc at 11:10 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

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