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Is this a battle i most likely will never win? momma's boy syndrome; very long sorry!

i will admit that i married a momma's boy. however that quality was not as evident then as it became shortly after we got married. ive known my husband since highschool but its not like we discussed who pays his bills and stuff beforehand. i just made the mistake of assuming that he was responsible enough to do it himself.

anyway it started in the first few months of marriage. shortly after i was added to his checking account, i realized his mom was still on it to, and not only was she on it, she was checking it online. she actually had the nerve to interrogate me about why i was spending money here & there & insisted that SHE put US on a budget. well that was when i put my foot down and told my husband (24 years old at the time) to remove her. i made it clear that i appreciated her trying to help us out but she could do it from a distance and only when asked. believe it or not, my (what seemed to be reasonable) request ended in a big fight, me versus MIL & husband. it did eventually get done though. and SIL told me that MIL was actually pissed about it.

anyway, this was around tax time last year. after this huge blow-out, i decided it best not to argue that she would ALSO be filing our taxes for us. what we did with our refund, also ended up being her business & another fight. shortly after that our 1 year anniversary rolled around, and now were coming up on our second, and it is also tax time again.

we have been through a lot of ups and downs, and my relationship with MIL was deteriorated. so i figured this year i would also hold my tongue concerning her filing our taxes for us, yet again.

however, im starting to get really annoyed with having to ask DH constantly if she went and filed yet. i know we both have to sign it before she can turn it in. shes pretty lazy and will get to it when shes good and damn ready. its really embarassing when my friends ask if we filed ours yet and i have to say that no, my MIL hasnt done it yet. DH and I got in a little tift this morning when i said next year, we are surely doing our taxes OURSELVES. we are turning 25 (me) and 26(him) this year, and have 3 children, and are fully capable of doing it ourselves. i dont care whether either of them like it or not, this is the way married couples handle their finances. he agreed but he wasnt happy about it.

am i being unreasonable here? i have been filing my own taxes since i got my first job at 15! my parents always helped me but they never did it FOR me nor did i ever ask them to. i was paying my own bills and stuff before i even graduated high school (cell phone bill, car insurance, etc) and now i just feel so financially weak having MIL do our taxes for us. they both still want to work out a budget for us, and i keep telling DH that WE as a married couple can sit down and figure one, but i refuse to let her in on it. its OUR business alone, isnt it?


Asked by tnm786 at 10:31 AM on Feb. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • With all the software available for filing your own taxes, I don't believe that your being unreasonable at all. Unless she attends some sort of tax filing prep classes, you can likely find deductions (via the software) that she wasn't even aware of! He needs to just man-up and quit handing over ANY control to his "mommy."

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 10:40 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Absolutely ridiculous and almost unbelievable. File your taxes yourself on-line. You two are adults and can handle it yourselves. You are 100% right and she needs to step back. Tell your husband next year you guys will be in complete control of ALL your finances, taxes included!

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 10:43 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Wow! That's messed up that you have her all up in your business at your ages! I'd demand that she be taken off your checking account NOW or else there is going to be hell to pay!

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:36 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • You're right. It should be your business alone. And I would make sure it BECAME your business alone. If your husband is unwilling to surrender, then you need to take control and go to him with a personal budget, what you need to keep your family fed and clothed every month, and possibly what you need to pay certain bills. Tell him you will be opening your own separate bank account and withdrawing a certain amount from your joint account every month to cover those expenses privately, where his mother can't butt her fat nose in.

    Answer by misses_nick at 10:41 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • All I can say is you poor thing. It is sad that the true colors do not come out in the beginning. My sister to has been in mil hell. It is so bad now, that my sister is going to end it. This mil had done to much.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • i dont think her actually soing your taxes is the WORST thing ever, but the fact that she insists on doing it and he's so for it IS wrong. as far as i'm concerned you havent done anything wrong and you're actually being lenient (trying to hold your tongue during tax season))

    Answer by Mrs.L.Mita at 11:04 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • you dont have to lose just let him know your are fully capable of doing it yourself and that you all are married and that his mother shouldnt have to handle all of you alls matters. maybe he dont want you seeing how much he makes. since he is sending them to her home. I went thru this I told him we were two adults that could handle our own finances and there were only two parties in this relationship and his mother is not one. MY SO mother was doing his taxes so she knew how much he was getting back so she knew how much she could get from him. well she wonty be filing them anymore! we have a child together and her getting money from us is over!

    Answer by jazmya_mom at 11:07 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • YIKES!!! I would just get it and do it yourself. You can do H&R block and Turbo Tax online.

    Answer by eluc at 11:09 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • sorry I would not put up with that. And there is no reason a married man should have his W2 sent to his mom's house. You should go and get all his paperwork and do the taxes. MIL can get over it or not.

    Answer by Azita888 at 6:44 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I say stick to your guns on this one. She has no business being in your marriage, financial or otherwise. Your dh should ask his mother to stay out of your marriage, and she should step out if he doesn't. This isn't healthy.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:46 PM on Feb. 13, 2011