Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

How do I put this gently? adult content

My dh was married for 10 years to a woman who would put out once a month, missionary style and did not take care of herself *down there*. I, on the other hand, love having sex. I love foreplay, kissing, touching, exploring...you get the idea. Also, I take good care of myself. Lately my dh is dropping the ball. The passion, spontaneity and fun is dwindling. I need to get it back but I feel like I always initiate and sometimes he says "no". Usually I am all about positive reinforcement, like saying "I love when you ____". This approach is not working. Should I just tell him straight up that I am having an issue with our love life? We've only been married 2 years and I love him more than anything. I've given up a lot for him but this is where I draw the line!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Feb. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • hmmm maybe you should quit trying to have sex with him for a week and see what happens. i know you dont wanna give up sex but men always want to feel wanted but they get lazy because of it. I have seen this in my sex life and this worked perfectly lol.
    Tiffany_Rivera_

    Answer by Tiffany_Rivera_ at 11:33 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Try that K-Y Intense! It is supposed to be great!!!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 11:34 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I would just tell him. It sounds like he has forgotten that part of keeping a relationship going is the courting after marriage.

    We work so hard to get the relationship, that we sometimes forget that you have to keep working at it once it's gotten.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:34 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Communication is the best foreplay. Tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels about it. My DH goes through ups and down with his sex drive, so do I. The more we talk about it, the better it is. Even the best love making can get boring when it happens all the time, he may just need a break to rekindle his fire.
    ElenaC419

    Answer by ElenaC419 at 11:37 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Perhaps you are pushing him a bit more than what makes him comfortable. Perhaps he feels that you are making demands on him rather than expressing heartfelt love. Perhaps his emotional needs are not being met and he is angry that you seem to want him only for the physical. Men respond in pretty much the same way that women do. The difference is that men are not nearly as verbal, and even if he could think it, he probably wouldn't tell you that you need to back off just a bit. Try affirming him for other things he does. Compliment him on his other accomplishments both in private and in public. Try making his welfare of top priority for say a whole week with no thought of what you might get from him. Tell him the things you love about him rather than the things about him that annoy you, and you will likely see a change in the way he responds to you. It could be that he likes to pursue rather than be pursued, so let him!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:37 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • It is a rough conversation but you need to let him know that sexually you would like more and more effort from him. But you also need to listen to him if he says something like "I just don't need it as much as you do" which may be perfectly true. Either way a comprimise must be reached. It took me and my partner 4 years to reach ours. And in that time we had this talk many, many times.

    Our compromise was I tell him when I feel frisky- he will tell me if he feels the same. If not Then I go take care of myself and sometimes when he hears me changes his mind and come to help out. And if not then I do my thing and am satisfied. No feelings hurt.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 11:37 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Is something bothering him? Problem at work? Too tired? Offer to massage his feet ( neck and shoulders) if he will massage your neck and shoulders. When it's your turn, remove all upper clothing. Let him get a good view. Men are "visual". If that doesn't work, I agree with Tiffany.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 11:38 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • i have to agree sometimes backing off works wonders.lol but i have also sat my dh down and have said the passion needs to be sparked again what can we do. i have also bought costumes and done things that i know he likes or turns him on ( toys ) i have also bought adult movies ( they dont bother me at all and i know dh likes them ) sometimes i am tired of always being the one to start things so at night i will put on a movie curl up to dh and we watch them and when hes ready he will make a move on me. ( he starts by touching the leg and works his way up lol ) and we also rarely go out sigh....but the once in a bluemoon we do we have a few drinks and tend to go in the car the risk of getting caught is so fun. we have been lucky only caught once but the officer was great asked what we were up to ( ohh he knew ) and i took out a picture of our 4 kids and told him we never get out..he had 2 small kids and said he understood lol..
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 11:41 AM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Maybe he feels sick, depressed or even tired. Tell him how you feel and be honest. Ask him how he feels. And take it from there. Try all options like a doctor or sex therapist, and ask him about how he feels about seeking help. Best thing is communication.
    xochitle

    Answer by xochitle at 12:54 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
Drop it or not? adult content