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If your child(ren) were a "surprise".....

will you tell them this when they ask about their conception? Or will you tell them that you and your SO planned their conception?

DH and I recently had this discussion and I was wondering how other moms felt about this topic. I'll withhold our decision for a while. I don't want to discourage the "other group" from offering their input. Thanks for your time. -Mona

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Asked by sgalsmommy at 10:44 AM on Nov. 17, 2008 in Just for Fun

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Answers (19)
  • Good question! DH and I have talked about this recently. We still aren't really sure what we will say...but I am glad I have a son, I think boys are less likely to want to know about that kind of stuff(babies, birth, etc) I look forward to seeing responses.

    Answer by TrevorsMommy03 at 10:46 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • I don't know your situation but i was married 3 years and found out that we were pg. She was definately a surprise and i don't feel bad telling her that. She was a great surprise and even though we wanted to wait until after college we wouldn't change it neother way.

    My parents got pg with me at 17 and it wasn't talked about really. If you do the math you can obviously put it together but it wasn't something they were proud of. The only time it was ever brought up was during their "sex talk."

    Answer by kinzleysmommy at 10:51 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Just to get the discussion started....

    I asked my mother this question when I was in middle school. She told me the truth, which was that I was not planned; Mom told me that she and my father married after discovering she was pregnant. I didn't mind being a "blessing" as my mom called me. But every time my mother and father had problems or tossed around the idea of divorce, I did feel very guilty--I always wondered, "Would they have been happier if they hadn't got married?" I kind of always felt responsible for this marriage, and it was especially tough when the marriage wasn't doing well. And I agree with you TrevorsMommy03, I think girls will be more inclined to ask their parents about this sort of thing.

    Answer by sgalsmommy at 10:54 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • kinzleysmommy,

    DH and I discussed children before marriage. We definitely both wanted a family, but had decided to wait 3 to 5 years first. We ended up pregnant 3 to 5 WEEKS later! I was nervous, but he was thrilled. It took no time at all for me to feel the same way.

    Answer by sgalsmommy at 10:57 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • I'll have to be honest and tell her she wasn't planned. But along with that I'll make sure she knows that she was never "not wanted". I always wanted a little girl. Maybe not so early in my life, but she's a miracle and a blessing nonetheless.

    Answer by caitxrawks at 11:02 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • my mom told me the truth and said that i wasn't planned. but i wasn't upset or anything. stuff happens.

    Answer by sterlids at 11:02 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • okay here is a question for you and i am not bashing. to you was she a surprise or a mistake? i mean i know apparently it wasn't a planned pregnancy how did you feel when you found out; my hubby and i were together for 13 years he has two children and i have two children to previous marriages that was enough for us and then i get pregnant it wasnt planned and we wondered how we were going to do it,but she is the best "surprise" i could have ever asked for. you can tell them they were a surprise and that you would never change a thing cuz they are one of the greatest things in you life

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • My husband and I acutally just had this discussion a couple weekends ago. He said something very sweet. (Our son was a very big surprise at the time we had him) However, he said that we always planned on having kids someday, so in a way he was planned, and that is what we will tell him so he doesn't ever feel like he was "a mistake" or anything of that nature.

    Answer by CarieP at 11:09 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • There's a certain amount of honesty that I think is acceptable to share. Unplanned pregnancies happen but that doesn't mean they're a mistake. I can't ever imagine telling a child they were a mistake. My mom was a little too honest with me. She openly told me I was the product of rape. She had tried to leave my father and this was his answer. I think at the time she was just trying to drive in for me how evil my father truly was but I'll tell you I could have gone my whole life without knowing that much of the truth. Had she just told me I wasn't planned I would have been okay.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Anon, I don't know if your question was for me or someone else, but I'll answer :-) Of course, I don't consider our first-born a mistake! (If I had, I would've given her up for adoption.)

    To us, she was a blessing, a gift. I wasn't asking whether or not any parent would ever tell their child(ren) they were a "mistake" or a "surprise". Rather, I was wondering if you would divulge whether or not the pregnancy was planned. Because sometimes--and I can tell that isn't the case with the moms here--once a child finds out they were not planned, they may automoatically assume they were a mistake, especially given the climate of their current home situation.

    Answer by sgalsmommy at 11:28 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

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