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My in laws haven't been to see my son in over three months...

My in laws have always been a little "different" but I really don't know how to handle this situation. They live less then two minutes away from us and they haven't been to see my son is over three months. No phone calls or anything. To make things even more complicated my husband works for them so he sees them everyday and they haven't even asked how their grandson is. The thing that bothers me the most is that my husband doesn't seem to care. I feel like he should stand up for our son and find out why they are acting the way they are. I've said that I'm going to call them and see what their problem is but he says that it will just cause him trouble at work. I don't know how he can go work for these people and act like everything is fine. I mean, does he go to work and pretend he doesn't have a son like they act like they don't have a grandson? So I guess my question is who is at fault more, my husband or in laws? How am I suppose to try to figure out why they don't see him if my husband doesn't want me talking to them?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Feb. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I don't think this is about who is at fault and who isn't. Situations like these are so sad. You can't force anybody to have a relationship with anybody-the in laws have to want to have a relationship with your son. Just make sure you and your husband have a strong bond with your son and everything will work out. Your inlaws will suffer the most from this in the end.

    I do understand your situation! My in laws are the same way. It took me a long time to accept this but I finally have. Good luck!

    Answer by Aquarius80 at 2:21 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I wouldnt say anything. Some people are just that way. My ex husbands parents were that way. We lived maybe 5 min from them and I can count twice they ever came over to our house when we lived by them. Both times werent even to see the kids. We have been divorced since 1998 and they have NEVER seen the kids since, and have only send gifts once or twice over the years. I think there are just some people out there who were raised wrong, for lack of a better explanation.

    Answer by gemgem at 2:28 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Their loss.

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:28 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Plan a family meal over the weekend and tell your husband to invite them. If they come then problem solved, and if they don't at least you'll know you tried. You can't really force relationships to happen, but you can drive yourself crazy trying. It took me a while to figure this out, but if they aren't interested it's their loss.  You can also ask your husband if he thinks they are avoiding for some reason or if it's just the way they are.  With my in-laws, it's just the way they are. 


    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 2:29 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I would just call them up and in my nicest most genuine voice possible tell them that you and thier grand son miss them and would love to have them over for dinner this saturday evening...
    Good Luck!!

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 2:34 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • My ILs are much the same. They just are not willing to make the effort to see the kids. My FIL lives half an hour away from us and only saw one of our kids twice her entire first year- once as a newborn, and once when she was about 11 months old. The way I see it is that they are missing out on a lot more than the kids. I invite them to all the kids' events (b-day parties and such)- they come to some and not to others, depending on their plans. I take the kids over when they do invite us. They've never been close to us or close to dh and I think it's sad that they don't put in more of an effort, but really, it's their loss. The kids will be fine with or without them. They're the ones who are missing out.

    Answer by Freela at 2:40 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I wouldn't say anything, I have inlaws who never see my girls and when they do all they do is talk about them! who does that? so if they chose to continue to be that way then distance yourself from them , sounds like people you don't want around your son anyway always coming in and out of his life!

    Answer by momto4girzls at 8:58 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I think we all hope and desire that our children's grandparents are going to love and cherish them, play with them, et cetera. But the truth is, some don't. Some are done being parents and that includes playing grandparent. Some are just not that good with kids. I don't think you can force a relationship. Quite frankly, it's their loss. Just continue to be a good parent to your children and they won't know any different. And if their pain in the butt in-laws, maybe thank your lucky stars they don't come around!! :)

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 9:05 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • My FIL calls weekly to check on us and the boys. And when we see him he spends time with them. My MIL (they're divorced) hasn't seen or spoken to my boys in over a year. She was in and out of my dh's life too. So I just let it be, although I did try to e-mail and text. I even left a few messages and she didn't respond. My dh warned me she would be that way. So I have come to accept it. If your in-laws don't want to see your child,you can't make them. Don't let it cause problems in your marriage. But I do like Kimberly's suggestion, maybe invite them over for dinner. I hope your parents are good grandparents to him, my parents are very active in my boys lives. Grandparent's enrich lives, it truly is their loss!

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 1:31 PM on Feb. 13, 2011

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