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What should I say to a 4 year old gir her dad is not living with us anymore?

My ex and I just separated a week ago and he has his place and everything. I already told her that she was special and she was going to have to places (mommy's and daddy'). That night she cried and said that she didn't want to be special she wanted us all the time in the same house (she is about to turn 4 in March).
Well, yesterday he dropped her off and she was screaming at the door that she wanted her daddy!!It breaks my heart and my son who is younger was just looking at her like why are you crying?
My question is what can I do or say to make this process easier for her and me?

Answer Question

Asked by bratgirln1 at 4:50 PM on Feb. 9, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,554 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • To be honest I dont think there is a way to break the news to her I am in a similar situation just take it day by day things will get better

    Answer by ExtremlyUnique at 4:53 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I agree there might not be anything you can say right now. I would just keep reminding her that she is special and that you both love her very much! I would also look into getting her counseling of some sort. Maybe not right now, although in the future. Lastly, I would talk with her doctor and see if they have any suggestions as to how to help her.

    I do think the key is to keep letting her know that this isn't her fault and that you both still love her.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 4:58 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • My daughter was 4 when my ex and I separated. She really didn't have a problem with it, but then she wasn't very attached to her dad either. I did take her and her brother to a child psychologist who talked to her about her feelings and how to deal with them (what's something you can do when you're angry, what does a sad face look like, etc). I think it helped her.

    Answer by missanc at 5:26 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • That has to be a hard situation to be in. I think that you and her father should sit down with her and talk it out. Let her explain her feelings and as well share with her why this is happening. Be honest with her. Then maybe she can help her father decorate her new room at his place to help make it comfortable for her. She will eventually come to terms with this, but it's important to try and keep talking with her. As well as making both homes as comfortable as possible for her.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 8:36 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I agree with JazzlikeMraz, this little girl has had her whole world turned upside down! You AND your husband need to sit down TOGETHER with her, and reassure her that it has nothing to do with her or her brother, that you and daddy just can't live with each other anymore, This isn't something that you toss out there and expect the kids to accept it no questions asked, I am sorry that you all are going through this, you have my prayers honey!

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 9:12 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • my children ask for their father all the breaks my heart; and i have moved on...he couldnt stay out of jail long enough to even form a relationship with my kids; just be as honest with her as you can; when my kids ask me where their dad is, i am honest and tell them the truth....without giving out too much information about why he's there. good luck and i hope it gets easier....

    Answer by Lovelylis at 11:04 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

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