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I NEED TO VENT & LOOKING FOR MUCH NEEDED REASSURANCE

I have 4 children one grown (19) & out on her own a 17-year-old boy a 16-year-old boy & a 10-year-old girl all at home. The 16 year old has been EXTREMELY rebellious. I’m the bad guy because I set rules & enforce them. They have to be home by 1am on weekends 9pm on weeknights & we know were & with who at all times. People say that I’m too strict & I ride my 16 year old too much about following the rules. I asked my 19 year old if I was too strict. She said I did ride him a lot more than I do the rest but it’s not because I’m to strict it’s because the others followed the rules but he was too rebellious. I teach my children to be confident respectful hard working law-abiding God-fearing people. But their dad & his family distort it into being submissive & weak. I just needed to vent & looking for reassurance that this is being a parent not overbearing. I want to be one of their best friends but I have to be their mother first. That is my job, right?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:49 AM on Jul. 8, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • i don't think your being to strict with them, being 16 is a difficult age. i also have a 16 year old and she rebels all the time.
    rebik24

    Answer by rebik24 at 5:38 AM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • It is better being a concerned and aware then to be relaxed and not know what your kids are into they need parents to be strick on them espically with today. I would not let them stay out till 1 but that is your choice in my opnion that is to late with out being a school function like football but all games are over before then. Time to party is not till you are old enough and responsible enough to stand up to you actions. In my opnion 16 is to young.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:39 AM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • You are doing what's right. I would rather have my kids abide by the rules and be "upset" at me than to slack up on what feels right and try to scrape up bail money, or get a call from the hospital. You're doing right and believe it or not, they won't understand why you're doing what you are doing until they have they're own kids. There are too many parents trying to be their kids friend ONLY. I give you two thumbs up.
    Queentdi

    Answer by Queentdi at 8:53 AM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • I think the weak thing to do would be to let him do what he wants. Teenagers are so different than when I was young. They are into a lot more and get into more trouble. I say.... STICK TO YOUR GUNS! You are doing the right thing. Queentdi is right. You don't want have to bail them out of jail or visit them at the hospital. Or worse, the morgue! I used to get so mad at my parents for being strict, but I'm thankful now. And if they don't want to tell you what they are doing or who they are with, they are probably up to no good!!
    drowninginboys

    Answer by drowninginboys at 9:57 AM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • I totally agree with you and what you are doing! I have a son that is 13 (he is starting the rebellion thing a little early) and he is rebelling against EVERYTHING. It isn't just about curfews. He rebels against all of the little things too. It is exhausting, but I know that in time he will come to realoize that the rules set before him are to help him become more responsible as a young man and adult. I will let you know if we both live through it!
    new00stacey

    Answer by new00stacey at 10:35 AM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • my parents where the same way with me and i don't think that it was too strick, i saw too many of my friends without the rules that acted like their parents didn't care so why should i. I say stick to your guns when my kids get to that age my rules will be about the same.
    Cyndi310

    Answer by Cyndi310 at 10:56 AM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • It is hard to tell by that little blurb whether you are being too strict. The curfews are quite reasonable. If he seems to be rebellious for the sake of rebellion, help him find some acceptable avenues for being "different" & creative. Let him rebel on things that aren't vital to his safety & learning responsibility, like clothes etc. Make sure you are letting him make his own decisions when it is reasonable for him to do so & you won't be trying to make his submissive.
    nysa00

    Answer by nysa00 at 2:38 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • Being a good parent is the hardest job you'll ever have , Believe it or not when they are older they will THANK YOU for ALL the mean (in their eyes ) things you have to do to help them be the best person they can be and keep them safe in a sometimes ugly world. Your children need you to be mom not friend. They 'll have lots of friends in their life time ,But you are the only mom they'll ever have.
    Gabbigal

    Answer by Gabbigal at 1:30 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • i have a 17 yr old and he has to be home no later than 11 on the weekends and 10 during the week! so your kids have it pretty good! they always think the grass is greener till they try it! good luck!
    lsap667

    Answer by lsap667 at 3:06 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • I UNDERSTAND 110%, my daughter is 16 and she ran away yesterday to be with a boy who get this now called me a bitch a bunch of times, tried to fight her 13 year old brother and jumped in my fiance's face (MY fiance told him to back off, but he wanted to kick his butt)you would think after he disrepected her family she would leave him alone, but instead she told me she hates ME and ran away to be with him. I AM SUPER HURT. i was that strict parent and i still am fight for your babie's they will understand thier way's later. I have been crying since yesterday, please pray for my family. I will pray for yours. as QUEENDI said I also give you two thumbs up.
    AuntieVetta

    Answer by AuntieVetta at 4:25 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

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