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My 7 year old tells me no everytime I ask him to do something, does anyone have any advice on how to get him to do things w/o losing my temper?

I am getting married next month and i know he is having a hard time getting use to the idea of a new parent figure and moving out of the house we currently live. I have tried being nice, begging, bribing, taking things away, grounding him, and spanking. He just doesn't budge. It's routine things like brushing teeth, showering, homework, and getting up for school in the morning, oh, and eating. It's all of these things, all the time. Its always no from him. I am at my whit's end. I have tried everything...even starting an allowance, that didn't last for 2 seconds. I have also tried to talk to him about his feelings about everything and re-assure him that just because of the upcoming wedding, he and i are still going to be best buds. we kiss and make up, until I ask him to do something again. and it's back to square one. HELP!!!!!!!!!

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lseigler27

Asked by lseigler27 at 8:55 PM on Feb. 9, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • .I think it is fantastic how you keep assuring him...Keep it up!!!!
    I had to learn a few things the hard way when I decided to homeschool my Down Syndrome daughter, who is now a teenager...
    1 .Keep your calm. Speak with a voice and attitude that you ARE NOT going to change your mind about expectations.I used to be a teacher.The stare and the assertive voice getting down to a whisper is magic.There is something about that voice that lets kids know you mean business..
    2 Give him two choices..He may continue to act out, in which case something gets taken from him and /or he goes to time out...
    I have never been much on promising or bribing except when it is to earn a privelege...In that case a chart and possible rewards...Otherwise shower him with praise (I like the way I see you now, or catch him when he is doing something right...)
    3. Picture schedule?????
    4. Repetition and love...
    5. Maybe new hubby can help.
    ((Hugs, Mama)
    VeronicaTex

    Answer by VeronicaTex at 9:26 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Little man is going through alot! VeronicaTex has very good advice..my friends son who is 9 went through this when his dad moved out of state..it lasted a couple months..she did everything!! Her husband spent more time with him and that seemed to help then he just came around. GL!!
    socalikim

    Answer by socalikim at 3:43 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I have actually tried the NO thing whenever he asks me to do something or would want somethings. He is sperfectly content with not getting what he wants...very strange child. I have also tried the chart, we still have it hanging in his room and this worked for a while when he was 3 and starting to learn things a 3 year old should learn how to do. It just wore itself out i suppose. I tried using it again with the allowance being the reward at the end of the week...it didn't last one day. i have suggested to my fiance that he spend more time with him, so I'm hoping that will help. We shall see. Thank you to those who have taken their time to help me...keep bringing on the suggestions! Appreciate each and every one of you. I will keep you posted!
    lseigler27

    Comment by lseigler27 (original poster) at 9:41 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Have you tried to ignore these things? Don't make him do anything, not brush his teeth, take a shower, or any of it. Just relax and just let it happen on it's own. Having a new person in the home has got to be a very scary thing to happen of a young child. I can remember when my mom got remarried when I was a kid. I was like fifteen and I was terrified of my mom's new husband, and we had to move too.
    It wasn't any fun. Maybe if you relax and don't push him to do anything maybe he will relax and do what he is supposed to do with out the fights. It won't be easy mom but try it for about a week and see what happens. If it takes longer it will take longer.
    stitchintime

    Answer by stitchintime at 11:21 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I wanted to add one more thing that is working with my teen...
    Since I am home all day with her, she and I have plenty of time to interact..We are in no hurry as before to get out the door...So that has put ME at ease ...Like stitchintime suggested, I have begun to ignore her when she puts up a fuss and am walking away from her...she now knows what she needs to do!!!!
    But in the meantime I make contact with her in touch, joking, complimenting her...just having a relaxed relationship...This is working...I believe she has arrived at the point where screaming for attention is no longer working for her and is deciding on her own to do what she has been "trained to do" . It makes for a light atmosphere between us....:)
    Keep up the good work, Mama!!!!! Keep that bag of tricks handy...Revisit old ideas from time to time...I have hope for you!!!!!
    VeronicaTex

    Answer by VeronicaTex at 10:53 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

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