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I don't want my brother to marry his fiance and I'm in the wedding! What do I do?

LONG story short, I don't want my brother to marry his fiance b/c not only do I think he can do better, but I truly believe he's unhappy- and that he's marrying her since she kind of pressured him. They've been together for years and I've ALWAYS said I like her, but don't want them to get married. She's disrespectful to him, high maintenance, dramatic, and simply put- a total brat. She has no balancing qualities (relationship-wise).

A lot of my family members agree with me, that they aren't the best match- but they're too scared to say anything. I live in CA, they live in MA- so all our communication is by phone, email, skype. My older brother and I are best friends- I've already expressed concern about her in the past. Honestly he proposed to her out of nowhere (a year ago).

I emailed him, telling him how I feel, then brought it up to him today and he's getting the picture of where I stand. We haven't discussed it at length (he had a rough day at work so didn't want to), but we are talking about it tomorrow. Here's my problem- I'm a bridesmaid and my daughter is their flower girl (he's her Godfather). But I'm having a real hard time with the idea of participating in a wedding I don't believe should happen. Also, my bf and I will be spending at least $2,000 (and we are broke!!) between traveling and being a part of the wedding this July- again, a wedding I don't believe should happen. If he was going to be happy, the money wouldn't matter- but I know him, he's not going to be happy. We want him to move out here and start over.

Ugh, sorry for the saga. What do I do about being in the wedding? Is it very wrong of me to say I don't want to be IN it? Will I get disinvited?? Thanks and please, no bashing...


btw- her and I get along fine, we have great times when we are together- but like I said, she's just not the one for him and we all can see that (btw in case it matters, they are 25/26 and have been together on/off for 5yrs)

Answer Question
 
lexi8622

Asked by lexi8622 at 9:31 PM on Feb. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,640 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Tell her NOW that you can't make it. Tell her that financially it just isn't going to happen, you are sorry, but she can find someone else! You have already told your brother how you feel about the marriage. Don't keep pounding it in. He will understand, and she will be grateful that you gave her time to find someone else.
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 9:36 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • What if I want to go to the wedding for my brother, but I just don't want to be IN the wedding? (ie- me fly out alone instead of my whole family).
    lexi8622

    Comment by lexi8622 (original poster) at 9:37 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Tell them that you can't afford to shell out that amount of money so you need to back out.
    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 9:41 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • My feeling has always been people need to be free to make thier own mistakes and learn from them. You can tell him how you feel but ultimately it's his choice who he wants to marry. It's your job as his sister to be supportive of him no matter what he decides, and even if it turns out to be a huge mistake. If you truly cannot afford to be IN the wedding, tell his finance openly and honestly that you can't and still want to go to the wedding as a guest....and that's all you can afford. She may be upset, but she'll have plenty of time to find a replacement if you gently let her know now.
    moniquinha

    Answer by moniquinha at 9:46 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • he is your brother and regardless of your opinions of his marriage it is not your marriage. Yes, be concerned and a loving sister. and if you have that big of a problem with it. . . just don't be in the wedding. Simple as that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

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