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Putting a relationship back together

I found myself in love with someone who was even more broken inside than I was. He took my love and slashed it and trashed it in every way possible. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict. He abused me in every way, physically and emotionally for the first three years.The relationship was a real rollercoaster..things would be fine for a few days and go to hell..when they'd go to hell I'd get more and more miserable. I'd tell him what he was doing, I'd try to get through, but nothing was ever enough. It got to the point that we lived out in cheap house in the country with no vehicle and what was worse was that the neighborhood that we lived in was rampant with scummy people. I felt trapped. I was pregnant with our second child at that time and I felt like I was fighting for my life and my unborn child's because I was contemplating suicide because the situation was so miserable. He didn't seem to care and it was just getting worse and worse. As it was getting worse and worse I was declining...eventually I made a decision that changed it all. Me and the kids left. He held down a job, a good job but was blowing his paychecks all on crack and didn't send anything to me and the kids. We talked on the phone and finaly in august or so of last year, he decided to try and get it right and be a family again. He had his upHe said he had a "God" experience which i shrugged off as some crack moment, but anyhow. He cleaned up and is no longer using drugs, however he is still an alcoholic, though not nearly drinking as much as he used to and not really being violent, however he's not gone to AA and I'm just not happy with the progress even though he's come a long way. I feel like I dont love him as much as I once did. I find being the one that's always bitching at him. I dont feel like I can trust him ..even after 6 months of him showing himself. I feel like I'm so damaged from our past that I'm damaging our future. I love him...but I'm not sure what I feel...I dont know if I want to be with him..and I dont know how to heal from it, though I've tried. There were a lot of things that I feel I lost in the relationship. I feel I lost years in my life that should have been the most beautiful like the births of our children...pregnancies..those should have been my happiest times and they were some of the worst because of how badly i allowed him to treat me. I lost two pets that were very dear to me. One was a small kitty that hated him. She would always attack him and he tried to drown her. When we moved, he didn't get her and when I went to get her, the landlord had let her out and she ran away. We also had a dog that I loved very much.When me and the kids left I didn't get to take him with me. Two days before I came back to get him he was killed due to neglagence. He let him out one morning and being the careless person he was, he didn't go look for poor dog was mauled to death by two other dogs in the neighborhood that were killing other dogs..which he knew about. I lost a car, I lost so much time that I could have been going to college and bettering myself. I didn't have friends, I didn't have a life and I've gone over this a thousand times or more...I cant let go of this hurt and resentment enough to make this relationship bloom into something better. I feel like his addiction ruined our life and that he's not doing enough...even though he has a job and isn't using like I said...but is still drinking...and im hung up over the drinking part. I think the thing that really set me off is that he had an episode last week where he was treating me poorly. He had an episode at new years where he was treating me poorly. I try to explain to him that I can tell the difference in his personality when he's had two beers...He thinks he can drink a 6 pack and not be affected..i'm like no, you may not be drunk, but your mind isn't all there. I cant have a serious conversation with you..because you're brains not fully functional. I feel anger that I'm the one that made me going to college happen..and I've been paying for everything to put our life back together and I aksed him to help me study for a test the other day and he was too busy drinking with his friends. This relationship is never going to work is it?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:59 PM on Feb. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • No NO NO NO.
    Walk away and NEVER look back. I am sorry, I understand you may love him but you dont even sound like you are in love with him. He sounds like a horrible person and hes sucking the life out of you. I cannot believe what he did to those animals, he will definitely get his karma. You need to walk away for your kids sake, he could turn on them in an instant. You had the courage to leave once, do it again and stick to it. No matter how much he "changes" he will always be himself deep within. he is a lost cause and you need to move forward with your life instead of waiting around for him.
    Is this someone you want your kids modeling themselves after?
    I say Hello no! Get out NOW. File a restraining order, file for full custody and live your own productive and happy life. Dont think about him for another second.

    Answer by sassy_brizzy at 10:06 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • No....i had the same thing happen to me and i gave him so many chances to change but sooner or later he was back to his drinking ways. I moved from florida to texas to get away from him and then a year later he came to texas also. I gave him another chance bc he said he had changed and that this time he was for real. But nope it wasnt working for me i felt like i didnt love him anymore and everything he did annoyed me especially when he would drink. Once someone hurts u over and over again we finally lose the love and a relationship without love doesnt work. Try to better urself for ur children, right now thats all that matters. Hes just gonna hold u back. Thats my opinion whatever u decide i wish u the best of luck. Ur in my prayers.

    Answer by ldepaz18 at 10:17 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • No. Please love yourself and move on.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 10:20 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • oh hunny im sooo sorry for the horable things you have been though you deserve better if you both love eachother like if he seriously loves you well he has come soo far like you said but i think youd be happier if he also stopped drinking as well if i were you just look out and put some rules up i know it would be hard to trust but your choice what you do my best advice dont let him put you through that again dont good luck

    Answer by Lisa_7777 at 10:45 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • first comment sounds good

    Answer by Lisa_7777 at 10:50 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I wouldn't count on it. If he hasn't gone to AA, or really never really addressed his problems that he has, I wouldn't take the chance. You and your kids would be better off without him. Don't go back.....just go forward. You're better off without him.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:40 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I think you need allot of distance from him to clear your head.

    Answer by angelm523 at 2:11 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

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