Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Don't want my brother to marry his fiance, do I still go to the wedding? *revised*

I just asked this differently, but it was real long.

For a million reasons, I don't want my brother and his fiance to get married. My brother and I are best friends, and we have a big, tight family. I'm a bridesmaid and my daughter is the flower girl. We'd be flying across the country w/ my SO (and spending more money than we have) to go to this wedding- but all of my immediate family and extended family (from South America) will be there.

Since I do not want him to marry her, is it wrong for me to step down from being a bridesmaid, but still go to the wedding? I'm afraid of not going at all- it would break his heart, but I don't feel fully comfortable being in the wedding anymore. The thing is if that happens(if I decide not to be in the wedding), then his fiance will know my true feelings- only causing more drama.

What would you do??

Answer Question

Asked by lexi8622 at 10:02 PM on Feb. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,640 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I would respect my brothers choice to marry and put my own feelings aside.

    Answer by luvmygrlz at 10:04 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • honestly i would not let my feelings of not liking her get in the way..your brothers happiness should let you swallow your pride and make his day special
    i know it may be hard to do so but family doesn't always make decisions you are 100 percent agreeing with but as a loving sister you have to do what will make him happy
    be the bigger person doll

    Answer by bobbys4eva at 10:05 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • If I was seriously against them getting married no I wouldn't go.  It would have to be something more than just "I don't like her".  I think if you don't want to go then don't.  Use the "we don't the money to come" scenerio.  Then that avoids the drama of her knowing that you don't like her. 


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 10:06 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • "We don't HAVE the money", sorry.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 10:07 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Go and be the bridesmaid. You are standing there in support of him, you love him. If the marriage falls apart, he is going to need you to lean on. If you have made an issue about how much you dislike the soon to be wife, he will feel like he can't talk to you when he needs you most.

    It is HARD... I know I have been there with my sister. It was hard standing there and not hitting her over the head to drag her away before she could say "I do". But I am glad I went and supported her. Now she know I will always support her no matter what.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 10:08 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I'm pretty sure I said "For a million reasons..." not simply ' i don't like her'...he is NOT happy, that's the problem- we all see it. And I want to GO to the wedding to support him- but I just don't want to BE in the wedding...make sense?

    Comment by lexi8622 (original poster) at 10:10 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • I am going through this with my fiance's family. They do not like me and will prob not come to our wedding. If you can't welcome the woman who your brother chose to be his wife into your family then you might as well sever ties with him now.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:11 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • to JLS2388, why don't they like you? it's not that we don't like his fiance as a person- we all think she's nice and sweet...but she is a bi*** to my brother, she treats him horribly- it bothers more than just me. so THAT's why i don't want him to marry her. it's not her as much as it's the way she is in their relationship with him. severing ties with him isn't an option- we're closer than close. if i was a guy, i'd be the best man at his wedding-- that's what he told me.

    Comment by lexi8622 (original poster) at 10:13 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • It's his life and his choice. If you are his best friend too, you should be there to support him on his wedding day. He is your brother. It would be unfair to him for you to take yourself and his niece out of his wedding party. The day is not about YOU, it is about him and what his wife to be, despite how you feel about her.


    Answer by KairisMama at 10:13 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

  • Your refusing to BE IN the wedding will hurt him....plain and simple. So if your dislike of the fiance is worth causing a huge rift between you and your brother than by all means, don't be in the wedding. But supporting him, means being in the wedding as asked.

    Like I said... I have been there and done that.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 10:13 PM on Feb. 9, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.