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Am I really spoiling my Child??

Hi moms, I have a 3 year old daughter that my husband thinks or should I say says am spoiling by feeding her whenever she refuses to feed herself and I also like putting her on my lap whenever a get a chance. Each time she crys I want to know why and whats making her to cry really don't like hearing or seeing her cry. My husband says my child will grow up to be a very spoilt brat because I feed her at 3. Please help me to see if am really spoiling my child as my husband says. This child was born 10 years after my first child. I will really appreciate you honest answers regarding this matter

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Asked by Nakatunga at 1:20 AM on Feb. 10, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • well to be honest, at 3, she can definitely feed herself. you should teach her to be independant because it will help her self confidnce! if shes hungry, she'll feed herself. if she skips meals because she refuses to feed herself, I'm sure by dinner she'll be pretty hungry and have no choice but to feed herself.

    also, the lap thing can be tricky.... you dont want her to feel like she HAS to be on your lap, she could get clingy. my son has that issue with his grandma. and if she leaves the room he freaks outttt. its a bad habit in my opinion.

    spoil your kids a little here and there, but create boundries so they can be independent and have confidence in themslves. make sure the things you are doing for them, are for them, and not your own comfort ( i have trouble with that one, but dont we all :P)

    Answer by ElsaSalsaaa at 1:24 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Your child will only be three one time! Love them and take care of their every need....that is what mothers do ; ) I still spoil my children and they are 12 and 13 but they get all the love they need from home and I rarely see them wanting or needing from others (not that it would be a bad thing) but I am proud that they can talk to me and ask me for anything.

    Answer by Dreamlander at 1:27 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I agree that she will only be 3 once, but honestly, I think that you need to stop feeding her - at 3, she should be doing this herself. It's not just about not spoiling her - it's about her developing the skills (and improving them) by doing it, it empowers her and builds her confidence - she can do it, and honestly, yes, she's your baby - but as a mom, it's really our job to love our kids and be there for them, but to encourage them to grow and stretch their wings and become independent, kwim? This path to independence is a long and slow one, and yes, it starts as young as 3.

    Also, as to the crying - OF COURSE you should comfort her if, say, she's hurt, or sick, or scared or sad - you're her Mommy! But you want to be careful - she's hurt because dh said no to the new toy or the ice cream, or whatever, so you're hugging and consoling her, you hate to see her upset, etc - then honestly, you are NOT doing her any favors...

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:42 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • My daughter is 3.6 and I LOVE to rock her, as I did when she was a baby, and I do it EVERY chance I get! As for the feeding, she can definitly feed herself -- I usually help her with cake (mostly because she will just scrape the icing off and it eat alone) -- but ANYTHING else, she can do on her own. Does your 3-year-old start pre-K this fall? I would consider that and how cruel other children can be if she were unable (or just didn't want to) feed herself. I understand mom, my kids are 18 years apart and my LO will ALWAYS be MY baby -- but we still have to let them be independent or it could be detrimental to THEM farther down the line! Good Luck to you!

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 10:52 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Showing your child love and affection isnt spoiling! But she should be able to feed herself. The only time my son doesnt feed himself is when he is sick. Then I feel so bad that he is sick I will feed Starting school will be difficult because they will want her to do everything for herself. So you may think about that. My son starts pre K soon, and I make sure he can do everything on his own. But I do spoil him in other ways. I hold him alot... buy him whatever he wants... etc.

    Answer by jmgblair10 at 11:20 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Tell your dh to cool his jets. She's fine. They don't get spoiled by being fed or loved.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:22 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Mom, she's playing you for all she's worth. As soon as my kids could manipulate a spoon into their mouth they were feeding themselves as best they could. I would only step in to help when they got frustrated. Feeding her at 3 years old seems a LOT extreme to me.

    Having her in your lap all time is NOT doing her any favors either. My daughter will be 4 in March and the ONLY time she's still is if she's asleep. Your daughter needs to be able to get down and run and explore throughout her day. By keeping her in your alp you are depriving her of adventures.

    As for the crying at every little thing, again she's playing you. Daddy says no so I'll go whine to Mom. I don't get what I want to I'll go cry to Mom. Picking her up and hugging and cuddling her at every little squeak is depriving her of learning how to cope. CONTINUED

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:37 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • What is she going to do at school when another child takes away her toy, or calls her a name, or does something she doesn't like and you're not there to whine and cry to?

    I agree with your husband, you are spoiling her rotten and its' about to blow up in your face.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:40 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • my youngest will be two in april and he always feeds himself.and has for quite some time . both my boys enjoy feeling like "big guys" as i always told them:-) i just always told them how good they were doing.. maybe thats why they started so early..

    Answer by momaholly at 1:12 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

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