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2 Bumps

Help me settle this with my DS?

We had an argument and he threw me with this question.

He's 20, living at home. He's liked girls big time since high-school. Thing is he's never really stopped. Many of his friends were underclassmen, so are now Juniors and Seniors themselves. So, he still notices girls in high-school.

I told him now that he's over 18 he's not supposed to. He said:

"How am I magically supposed to stop noticing girls only a few years younger than me that I've known personally for years? We're practically the same age. At what point is a guy supposed to stop noticing girls that age? And does she magically become okay to notice again when she's 18? Sorry, Mom but if a girl is pretty at 16 & 17, she's going to be just a pretty at 18, as well, and guys are gonna notice them if they dress like they do. You don't just turn off the hormones or put on blinders for a year or two until she's legal. You notice what you notice."

I didn't really have an answer, given he is sort of right, I just said there's legal issues involved and he needs to be careful.


Asked by Anonymous at 5:51 AM on Feb. 10, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • He's absolutely right. Research the laws in your area, and find out what the legal ramifications are with him dating someone who is under 18. (In some areas it's fine - every state is a little different). Just make sure he knows what the "worst case" scenario is.

    Answer by Scuba at 7:10 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • My husband and I married when he was 21 and I was 18, and that was 46 years ago. Back then, we didn't think a thing about it, even though my dad had to sign for us to get married because I was underage. I think the fact that morals have declined has greatly affected the attitudes toward the age thing, but your son does need to be careful.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:26 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • You are both right. You gave him the right advice, to be careful because of legal consequences. My son was 15 when he fell for a girl who was 19. I thought once they were back at school, he in high school and she in college, his infatuation with her would end. I even had a heart to heart with her mother. We both continued to "monitor" the situation and although he was more involved than she was, they got married about 7 years ago, are very happy together, and gave me two beautiful grandchildren. The age difference between a man 20 and a 17 or 18 yr. old girl is not that bad, but, again, I'd still advise him to be careful.

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:23 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Look at the laws in your area. You could both be right and you could both be wrong. He just needs to watch it because laws or no laws, if he tangles with the wrong girl and the wrong father, he could be toast anyway.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:07 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • tell him this phase that my parents used on my brother ( 17 will get you 20) meaning if you mess around with someone under age you could get up to 20 years in worked and my brother is now 28 and married to a woman 2yrs older than him.....

    Answer by cara124 at 9:50 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • "Noticing" is not a crime.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 AM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • What's wrong with "window shopping?" Besides, when he turns 21 that will change when all his old friends are too young to accompany him to the bars.

    Answer by Journey311 at 10:29 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Cara: Ya you're right, but he's talking about just checking them out and chatting and hanging out with em, not sex. Basically he's arguing the point of liking what he sees and continuing to hang out with kids he's known already for several years, he just happened to hit 18 before the rest of his friends did.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:52 AM on Feb. 10, 2011