I posted a question recently about my husband's decision that he doesn't want to have sex anymore. http://www.cafemom.com/answers/717232/Totally_Blown_Away
He's since gone to the doctor and been tested for low testosterone and other things, everything came back just fine. He agreed to start seeing a therapist and he's been going several times a week. Both of us will attend therapy sessions when the therapist says it's appropriate.
Last night my husband said he needed to talk to me. He was sitting at the computer looking at a sex toy website. He said "I wanted to suprise you for Valentine's Day, but I think it might be smarter if you were involved in choosing which one you want to use instead of us having sex." I told him I needed to think about it, I wasn't negative or defensive with him, that's the last thing both of us need.
I'm really not sure how I feel about this. Part of me is happy that he's at least thinking about me and what I need. Part of me is disappointed that he's chosen this route instead of working towards reconnecting with me sexually.
I did ask him a few questions: "Did you want to watch me use it?" and "Did you want to use it on me?" Both answers were "No."
I haven't pressed him to tell me what's been going on in his therapy sessions, but it seems as though he's just trying to arrange things so he doesn't have to have sex and I won't be upset about it.
I'm just so confused. Should I just go ahead and choose a sex toy and let him continue to work things out in his therapy sessions and not press him to talk about things with me? Should I ask more questions and try to figure out what's wrong? What would you do in my place?
Asked by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Feb. 10, 2011 in Relationships
Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Feb. 10, 2011
Answer by Lisa_Lynn at 9:56 AM on Feb. 10, 2011
Answer by meandrphoto at 9:57 AM on Feb. 10, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on Feb. 10, 2011
Honestly you are handling this better than most would. You deserve a hug and a pat on the back for being so strong. If you are ok with toys I would say go ahead and get one. You are not going to be able to get him back in the bed any sooner by not taking care of it yourself.
Answer by Alanaplus3 at 9:59 AM on Feb. 10, 2011
Answer by amybaby_19 at 10:08 AM on Feb. 10, 2011
Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 10:28 AM on Feb. 10, 2011
Answer by FricknFrack at 10:55 AM on Feb. 10, 2011
Answer by admckenzie at 11:24 AM on Feb. 10, 2011