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Daddy is leaving. Need advice for my 6 yr. old.

My son's Dad is now leaving Michigan for a new job, new woman and a new life. We've already told my son that his dad will be leaving in what is now 4 days. But I'm afraid of what to do over the course of the next few months as it becomes a reality for him.

Any advice would be welcomed and greatly appreciated.

~ Heartbroken Mom in Michigan

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Asked by Cheer1021 at 1:46 PM on Nov. 17, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (6)
  • Aww. Lots of love, hugs, and reassurances that YOU are not going anywhere! My first husband and I separated when my DD was 6. Also, keep daddy's memory alive with phone calls, photos, visits if possible. Try to be the grownup in this and keep your anger and upset (though justified) to YOURSELF and to your friends. It's ok to be sad and tell your child you are sad tho. I think it was really helpful to use words and give my child a vocabulary , like : I am sad we aren't together as a family any more, but we are still a family.
    PM me any time ... take care.

    Answer by KnoxvilleDoula at 1:51 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • My daughter (4 years old) her dad lives 1200 miles away. It is a process..meaning that you need to talk to your child..tell him the to him alot about it, if he wants to. I feel for your son. It took ME 3 years to except the fact that my daughters dad does not want to live near her. If you would like to talk you can send me an email. It is a heart breaker...just be strong and be there. good luck

    Answer by Dannee at 1:52 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Hugs to you. Its hard to know that not only are you hurting and devistated but so is your son. Let him know that sometimes adults who love each other just can't seem to find ways to get along. But assure him that adults NEVER leave kids - no matter what a kid does. Explain that just b/c dad is moving into a different house doesn't mean he has stoped being his dad and he is still loved by both his parents. Even if your husband is an ass (which it sounds like it) and even if he is not the most cooperative - try to have contact between him and your son. Set up regular times for his dad to call and talk. Encourage his father to send him special notes and packages in the mail.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:50 AM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • cont..This is so your son still feels like he has a relationship with his father. I wouldn't tell your son dad is calling at after dinner or on Saturday in the morning. No specifics. Especially about visits. This way if dad backs out then he is not crushed. Also be strong. I once worked with a child who was worried that he needed to take care of his mom now that dad was gone. That mom had to work at reassuring her son she was able to take care of herself, him, pay the bills, protect the family, and she is doing fine. He will take his cues from you. You can also give him permission to feel sad and talk about dad or the changes your family is going through.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:53 AM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • cont..Please make sure that family members and friends who support you don't talk badly about his father in front of him. Kids know they are half dad and half mom even when they don't understand biology. There are many age appropriate books in the library on these situations. You can cozy up with his favorite snack and drink - then read together. If he cries, hold him. Normalize his feelings. He may experience episodes of tantrums, anger, frustration, talking back...all this is normal. Give him and you some time. Also there are support groups for kids who have parents that have separated. Do take some time to do fun activities with you and him. Make sure he has a solid routine to fall back on since his world is changing he will need it. Have play dates for him and let him see the world goes on and life is normal.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:57 AM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • I really do not have an answer. Good luck. you do not need that loser.

    Answer by savannahnhi at 1:18 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

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