My mom moved into MY house a couple months ago. She helps out with the kids, but ultimately DH and I make sure we're the parents and she doesn't take over. DH is currently out of town so it's her and I with the kids. My 6yo ds was doing homework and he was fighting it pretending he didn't know how to write a letter. I became stern with him and we were working through it and she butted in and said "Do you want us to think you're stupid?" He looks up (hurt) and says "I'm not stupid!" I quietly asked her not to use the word stupid and she started arguing saying that she wasn't calling him stupid, she was asking if that's what he wanted us to think. I tried telling her that to a 6yo there is NO difference in what she said and calling him stupid is not OK. After a minute of arguing I finally told her he's MY kid and I don't want her to say that to him. She came back with he's her grandson as if that gives her the right to not abide by my wishes. Now she's acting all hurt because I put my foot down. Am I wrong in thinking that saying things like that is damaging? I have rules in my house, my kids have discipline and there are consequences for inappropriate behavior and they are generally well behaved kids, but I never ever use the word stupid, dumb or whatever to describe them as humans in any context.
Asked by Anonymous at 1:21 PM on Feb. 10, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)
Answer by MaryMW at 1:54 PM on Feb. 10, 2011
Answer by Bobbysgurl at 1:46 PM on Feb. 10, 2011
Answer by minimo77 at 1:42 PM on Feb. 10, 2011
Answer by JLS2388 at 3:45 PM on Feb. 10, 2011
Answer by coolassmom87 at 1:47 PM on Feb. 10, 2011
You are not wrong...he won't think there is a difference. But living with other family is hard. Particularly when it is a parent. Clashes will happen. Privately tell your mom ground rules have to be made and that you appreciate all her help. Start with all the things she does that you appreciate. Then do general house rules. Acknowledge you do things differently: a blend of your husband's childhood and yours. A blend of your thoughts and his. Which means it is different from the way she did things. And it isn't a bad thing. Just different. Acknowledge that what parents in this generation do now also may change - that each generation has their own parenting ideas. Make it clear what are straight up NO's. And taking your mom aside privately instead of correcting her in front of your child. Later, tell your child Grandma made a mistake but we all do.
Answer by frogdawg at 2:04 PM on Feb. 11, 2011
Answer by stitchintime at 11:12 PM on Feb. 10, 2011
But doing it right then and there may just cause tension all the way around. Let it sit if there is no immediate danger, distract your child with transitioning to a different activity, and then come back to it when the moment has passed. You have a situation that is very hard. There are advantages to having your mom in your home - just easing the moments of the difficult ones can help. It takes practice. It is learning how to be political and helping both your mom and your child. It does get easier when you have a plan ahead of time. Knowing that you will distract and revisit the issue later, giving you time to think, may allow you to find a gentle path for everyone involved.
Answer by frogdawg at 2:09 PM on Feb. 11, 2011
Answer by devinalexis at 5:01 PM on Feb. 11, 2011
Answer by downsznmomof4 at 9:08 AM on Feb. 12, 2011
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