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Am I obligated to let them see her?

I'm going to try to make this short, please no bashing. I'm so frustrated right now, I don't know what I'm supposed to do or what to think right now.

My ex and I were together for 5 years. He had immigration issues, I petitioned for him but then found out he was cheating and he started treating me bad so I divorced him and quit the petition.

His family doesn't think he did anything wrong, on the contrary they think the fact that he was deported is my fault and his cousin used to harass me all the time...showing up to my work and sending me rude messages.

Well, that all died down until one of my "best friends," befriended some of his cousins and went over to their families christmas and she started texting me asking me why i didn't like the cousin (the one that was harassing me) telling me how nice and funny she was and blah blah blah. So we got into a fight and stopped talking.

Well now she and my ex's cousins are sending me messages...calling me psycho and all this other crap.

At the same time I'm getting a guilt trip from my ex's mom cause she wants to see the baby...but they are all constantly insulting me and treating me like crap and when I'm around it's always so tense. When he was still here and had visitation rights he barely came to see her and his mom NEVER asked to see the baby...so for the first almost year of her life...his mom had every chance to see the baby but she never did and now that she's gone she's shoving the idea down my throat and I'm just kind of feeling like...no...i don't want to them see her because 1. they had their chance and didn't for a year 2. they treat me so disrespectfully and 3. i'm tired of being the bad person when i didn't do anything wrong!!

what would you do?


Ps. I KNOW I should have thought about all this before getting knocked up by an illegal...and that If i had at least petitioned for him he would have had a chance to be with is daughter...but you don't know the whole story. He never cared about the baby...she was a tool to try to keep me attached to him. But none of that matters, lets just address the issue at hand...please.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:27 PM on Feb. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • No i wouldn't let them see the baby. It is a matter of protecting your child. Send pics and updates but I wouldn't let them be around the child.
    momof2cuteboys

    Answer by momof2cuteboys at 1:29 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Let him fight you for everything- visitation, etc. I doubt he has the money to do that- & cant come here to court since he's illegal. DONT EVER LET YOUR CHILD INTO HIS COUNTRY- YOU MAY NEVER SEE HIM/HER AGAIN! Not every country respects our courts & legal rights- I've heard horror stories. Dont even send pics. I know it sounds cruel, but you can never be too careful when it comes to protecting your child. These people sound bitter & unstable & you & your child are better off keeping your distance. GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:32 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • If you don't feel like you should let them than don't.
    But if you do maybe you could go out to lunch with the mother a few times with your daughter and talk it out with her, let her know what you will and will not tolerate.
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 1:37 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Personally I would not want my child to be around people who harrass me or treat me like crap (like your child's father's family). IF you do decide to let the grandma see the baby I would set up 'ground rules'-- like have her meet you at a public place (like McDonalds) or at someone you trust's house (like your parents house) and have people you know and trust with you to help keep an eye on the situation and the child. I would also let her know if she says ONE rude or disrespectful word to me then the 'visit' is over, and it will be a long, cold day in hell before I allow another visit!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 1:45 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • i belive that children should have a right to get to know and establish a relationship with other family members. unfortunately this is who you choose to be related to her. i however wouldn't just let my daughter go off with them alone. they can come to my house and visit with her in my company for an hr or two on the weekends or every other weekend but that is it. if they aren't willing to do that then in my book they don't really care to have a relationship with her and don't deserve to see her.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:47 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • i definitely wouldn't. they can't respect you and have their relatives threaten you in some way, the hell with them. if he got deported oh well, that's his fault, he should have also been doing what's right and planning to become a citizen. if the mother is in the states and lives nearby maybe she can come over your house but that's it. no one else. and if she has a problem with that then let her know those are your rules and you are sticking to them.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 1:59 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I agree with a few of the other ladies. Unfortunately this is who you had a child with and that's your baby's family. Talk it over with your little one's grandma, lay down ground rules (no being alone with the baby, she can't be badmouthing you, they need to have some respect for you). Tell her she can see the baby a couple of hours a week (or every two weeks) if you are there, preferably somewhere public. Don't let them have her alone. If she doesn't go for it then she doesn't care enough. At least you will have reached out and tried.
    myree85

    Answer by myree85 at 2:10 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • If you do let his mother see the child. I would let her know that she has to go to your house. Don't leave her alone with the child.


    If keep texting then change your number. If you think you or your daughter is in danger. Then get the police involved.

    HomeAlone45

    Answer by HomeAlone45 at 2:18 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Your answer is in your question. If they are people that are rude and harrassing to you, do you really want them to see this child? Plus given all the legalities I think you could run the risk of them taking off with her just to get back at you and possibly to help him get back in the country. She will be a tool to them and I would not allow that. Keep her safe from them. Cut all ties and relocate if that is what it takes to keep her safe. Deal with things through the court and if there comes a point where he is to see her I would say it would need to be supervised to do the risk of him taking her out of the country.
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 2:25 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • No no no... take your baby and get her away from these people.
    ConcernedMom141

    Answer by ConcernedMom141 at 2:30 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

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