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Am I wrong for not allowing my (7yo) daughter to spend the night at her friends house that has brothers the same age as her?

I'm kinda skiddish just because I am the victim of molestation. Now I'm not sayin by any means that these little boys would do anything at all... I guess i'm just super protective. There are two adult men in the house most of the time so that makes me kinda nervous too. Now when I was young I wasn't allowed to have friends stay over when my brothers were home and they couldn't have friends over when me and my sister were home. She gets so mad at me, but i'm sorry if I don't want her spending the night at the house when it is full of boys. (BTW one of the boys bullies her pretty regularly and is quite mean to her.) How do I get her to understand my reasoning?

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mommeeoftoo85

Asked by mommeeoftoo85 at 3:50 PM on Feb. 10, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (32 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I understand where you are coming from but she needs to socialize with children her age.
    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 3:57 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Do whatever makes you feel your child is safe.
    idaspida

    Answer by idaspida at 3:57 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • although I think you are being overprotective, I too was a victim, but I try very hard not to make my children pay for someone elses wrong doings. But as a mom, you have to do what you feel is best, and there is NO right or wrong answer. Maybe you should have the little girl over a few times instead
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 4:03 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • This is one of those things that they wont understand until they are parents too. But maybe you could have this friend come to your house or spend time with this friends mother to maybe easy your worries. I too am a molestation victim (only 14 weeks prego tho) so i can imagine i will feel the same way as you very protective. I hope when i do get to your position i will be understanding and not hold what, what one man did to me and have it continuously be something i let effect me. (he doesn't deserve to be in my thoughts or control my life or my child's) Be strong momma bear follow your gut and always have good communication with her. Let her know she can tell you anything and you will actually listen. If i had felt that way with my mother my abuse probably never would have lasted as long or even acccured at all! Good luck

    lil_momma_vdv

    Answer by lil_momma_vdv at 4:08 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I like the idea of having the other girl over to your house instead if that is possible. If one of the boys didn't bully her then I might think you were being too over-protective, but if there isn't good adult supervision then something could happen, not even something sexual but just something scary for your daughter, and she might not want to tell you for fear of not being able to go back. Seven is still pretty young so I think if this is what your gut is telling you then you should probably listen. Explain to her that you are sorry it upsets her and you want her to be able to be social but that you have a job to keep her safe and you have to do what you think is best even if it's not popular. And try to find a good consolation for her in the meantime. Good luck!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:08 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Can you have her friend spend the night at your house instead?
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 4:08 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I see where you're coming from but i agree with the other ladies. Maybe having a friend over at your place will help ease your mind while also allowing her to socialize. Or maybe get to know the family a little better by having playdates and whtnot where you all spend time together..a nd if you still feel iffy.. then you have to follow your gut! Follow your daughters cues too. If you feel that something is up.. talk to the parents about things.
    kaitilala

    Answer by kaitilala at 4:10 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I don't like the idea of two adult men in the house especially. Simple as this, she can't go & if she wants to have a slumber party then let the other girl sleep over your house. It is not the end of the world and she wont die from not going. Stand your ground Momma, this will set the stage for future discipline. Kids don't know it but they want & need it. It shows love in the end. Tell her to drop the subject & ignore it.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 4:18 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Well dont let her spend the night over there. Have her friend spend the night at your house.
    IloveJesus316

    Answer by IloveJesus316 at 6:10 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • We have done that a couple times, but her parents are kinda strange. She socializes all the time. In fact she's out til dark playing with these same kids. There are actually about ten of them that go to school together and all live right here. And as far as the bullying goes I have had several sit downs wit all the parents and all the kids and talked about all the kids gettin along. They play favorites often. We told them it's not allowed and they all had to play together or all kids were staying at their houses. I make mine stay close to the house (and I have the blinds open so I can see them) but the other parents don't make their kids listen. The bully threw my daughters shoes in the mud hole the other day and nothing got done to him.
    mommeeoftoo85

    Comment by mommeeoftoo85 (original poster) at 6:31 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

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