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DD's step mom~~~ vent

My dd is 6 and her dad has been remarried for about 6 months. His new wife is constatly acusing me of trying to get him back. FYI this man cheated on me when I was pregnant with 3 different women, trust me, I DON'T want him back (I am also married and have been for 4 years). Anway, she has gotten to the point where she won't even let him call me about OUR child or if I call, she says I can talk to her. This is so annoying and she is breaking the court order because our court order says we both have to keep open communication about our dd. It's not like I want to talk to my ex but I won't talk to her because 1. I didn't have a child with her and 2. she never knows what she is talking about.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:14 PM on Feb. 10, 2011 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Can you say "relationship issues"?? I can see why she'd be worried if he was a cheater. Though, she must have known this going into it. She needs to get over and your ex will be connected forever through your daughter and she needs to accept that. If you two are only talking about things thats concern your DD then she has nothing to worry about. Talk to your ex soon and refuse (politely) to speak to the wife. Good luck. Sorry to hear she can't be mature.

    Answer by CollinsMommy729 at 5:42 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I would just refuse to speak with her about your daughter. Tell her nicely when she says you can just talk to her -- "No, thanks, but I really need to speak with ______, just have him call me back." However, you do need to build some sort of relationship with her so perhaps talk with her about the insignificant things? Good Luck!

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 6:19 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Send him a registered letter only he can sign for stating your concerns along with the copy of the court order highlighting the open line of communication bit. Tell him you do not understand why his wife is trying to ruin his relationship with his daughter by not allowing the access the court had obviously hoped for. Maybe itll scare him into thinking you might take him back to court and he can tell her to sit down and stop being such a baby.

    Answer by gemgem at 6:57 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I would refuse to talk to the step mom, it's your ex who you are supposed to talk to about your child, not some insecure, clueless control-freak. Do you have his cell number? If so, call him on that when he's a work.

    Answer by scout_mom at 6:20 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Find an alternate time to talk to him that doesn't cause confrontation. When my oldest was married to 'the skank' (her nickname) she was so weird about him calling me he just began calling me on his way home from work once a week. We talked, she couldn't interrupt and she didn't know any different. The step mom is a part of your daughters family now. so I would work on a communicative relationship with her. However, you need to converse with her FATHER about your DD.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:25 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Maybe when you tell her you need to talk to him you can put it out there that you do not mind her listening in on another phone or on speaker phone but that you will be discussing your child with your child's father because that is what is needed for your daughter.

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 8:43 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I am sorry you are in this situation because I know how frustrating it can be because I have the same problem. It is NEVER my sons father that calls about our son its always her. Even when I tell her to have my sons father call me she just blows over and keeps talking and he never calls. The only time that I see my sons father or even talk to him is the rare occasion that he is there to pick him up. So I just keep the conversation short with her and sound busy or bitchy that usually does the trick to get her to go away. It says in our court ordered papers that we are supposed to keep an open communication and be nice so I try but its really frustrating when I would rather be telling my sons father how well hes doing at school and the things he is learning instead of this woman who is just his step mother.


    Answer by bhoward87 at 1:08 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Tell her she needs to work on her insecurities, that you think as far as "husband material" or even "boyfriend material" he is a JOKE....and that YOUR daughter is NOT HER concern.

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 6:19 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I like Alanaplus3 answer. You will be showing her that there is no reason to get jealous and eventually she will not worry about your conversations.

    Answer by pnwmom at 7:14 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I'm sorry. If you can call him at his place of employement, meet him for lunch on his lunch hour, or call his cell phone...very important. The thing is I believe pretty strongly that the parents should be in charge of communication and decision making. It is not easy being a step parent but they have their roles. Important roles. But you should have direct contact to discuss your children with their parent. If he is to be a partner in raising his children - it is a must. He is still your partner in helping you raise your children. He always will be because you have children. He may not be YOUR life partner but you and he are in it for life when it comes to your children. Also consider making nice with the step mom. To a degree. Talk to your ex first. Invite her out for a fun girl thing. Anything. You don't have to be best girl buds but being civil, even if you have to bite your lips,

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:33 AM on Feb. 11, 2011