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2 Bumps

Best friend keeps calling for advice, but doesn't like my advice and gets mad!!!!

My best friend is in a bad marriage. They have been married almost a year. They have 2 children. Her husband is munipulative and sneaky. he plays mind games and is mentally abusive. This past weekend they finally decided to call a quits. But this is really nothing new as they fight seperate and get back together all the time. However this time seems a bit more serious. Regardless, I wake up everyday to texts or calls from my BEST friend upset and in tears. I give her the best advice i know and she gets frustrated with me. i think she is also a litlle jealous because I have a great husband. She has said she can't help but be envious although she is very happy for me. I try to remind her that alough my husband is a good man, he did not come in a nice neat little package and took years of molding to get him how he is! LOL Im at my wits end. I find MYSELF more upset with her husband at the end of our conversations than she is! I want to tell her I can't listen to it anymore, she doesnt take my advice anyway! And it is all upsetting to me. But like I said she is my Best friend and really has no one else, I can't abandon her. What would you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:41 PM on Feb. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Tell her to get the book BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE and read it. Then call you after that.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:43 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Let her cry and vent and stop giving the advice. That is what I ended up doing in the end with a good friend when her marriage was going bad. When she complains about him as how that makes her fell and things like that.
    aeneva

    Answer by aeneva at 6:46 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I would tell her that you will listen to her but if she wants advise she must ask for it specifically.

    I don't give my friends advise. They know if they want it, they must ask and there is a respect factor involved.

    If they ask, they have to be prepared for me to be honest about how I see things. They are not expected to heed my advise but they cannot get mad if they asked and I answer honestly.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 6:47 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I would tell her, that you will only give her advice if she REALLY want s to consider it!! If she is just using you as a sounding board, then tell her, you are too busy to listen to her vents, over and over and over again! Tell her you care about her, and want her to be happy, but if she prefers to be a "doormat" and not stand her ground, her problems are never going to go away!

    I've had "perpetual victims" in my life. Eventually you have to cut them loose! I don't have the time or energy for constant drama--especially when there are usually very simple solutions to their problems!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 6:57 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • ive been through this befor and all i wanted to do was talk to my best friends and i knew they were annoyed so jusy tell her
    Bree_vee25

    Answer by Bree_vee25 at 6:59 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Maybe she just wants you to be a good friend and listen not necessarily give advice. She knows what she needs to do. It's not always easy to just throw away a husband even if he's a jerk. Just listen and give her praise when she does things right and ignore when she messes up. It takes some women a dozen times to leave an abusive home. (been there done that) My friends and family never gave up on me. They were patient and I finally got out and on with my life. Just a side note, I wouldn't say anything about your dh. It's hard enough for her to deal with her marriage falling apart. She doesn't need a reminder that you got such a great guy even if you had to mold him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:00 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I have this with my best friend but all you can do is listen. I love her unconditionally and I'm not going to get offended when she's like that, she always yells at me for my advice at the moment but I just keep repeating it and I know that one day she'll repay me in the same way.

    I know it's difficult but keep at it, you sound like you're doing a wonderful job so far.
    leah_rai

    Answer by leah_rai at 7:06 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Just be a good listener, agree with her when appropriate and no advice, for now. She will slowly understand that she is riding an emotional rollercoaster and no one can get her off but herself.
    Dreamlander

    Answer by Dreamlander at 7:07 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • I've been in a similar situation with a friend whose husband is an alcoholic. I love her dearly, but it got to the point where I would dread answering the phone when I saw it was her. She would ask for advice, I'd tell her what I thought was best in my opinion, and she never got mad, but she always went back to doing the same thing. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and again and expecting different results, and she was definitely on the brink of insanity!! Thankfully, a few months ago, she FINALLY had enough, after 10 years of craziness, and moved to another state. I miss her like crazy, but I totally understand why she did it. She is actually happy now.
    Bethsunshine

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 7:07 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

  • Then I would give her some really bad advice so it would really send her off in a tizzy ~
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 7:20 PM on Feb. 10, 2011

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