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How much is too much?

How much holding your baby is too much? My daughter is 4 weeks old and my mom yells at me constantly saying that I hold her way too much. But I don't feel that I do. Can that be a bad thing?
I read an article the other day about a couple who always held their daughter or even carried her around in a carry a lot and she was thriving and developing very well but then some of their friends starting telling them they were spoiling her, because they held too much or was at her every beck and call and that they should stop and to let her cry once in awhile. Well instead of doing what they were doing they let someone else influence them and after about 3 months of doing this their daughter wasn't thriving as well as she was before or developing and eating like she should so they brought this up to their doctor and he had asked if anything had changed so they explained what happened and he suggested going back to they way they use to be and after a month or 2 they notice she was getting back to they way she was.
Well I've tried explaining to my mom that I do things differently but it seems like she is always on my butt about everything. I need some advice? Am I holding my daughter too much?

Answer Question

Asked by new_mommie_2b at 2:46 AM on Feb. 11, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 8 (218 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • You cannot spoil a newborn. hold that baby all you want. i did that with my daughter and shes 2 now, and such a lovable sweetheart

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 2:58 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • hold her as much as you can / want

    Answer by san78 at 6:01 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Every baby up to 6 months needs to be held and cuddled and snuggled and kissed as much as you can give them and as much as they need. If they don't get enough physical contact and enough love their development can fall behind. You are the mother you know your child by now:) Children usually cries when they don't get enough or they get way too much. If she is a happy baby it means you hold her just right:) You are the mum and you have to stand up for yourself and tell to your mum it is your child and your way of parenting. If she can't behave as an adult and understand she is your baby than try to make her visitations shorter. If you don't clear up this situation with your mum it will cost you years to make it clear. And she will never stop criticising and complaining. Probably she doesn't want to harm your feeling or the child. But it passed 20-30 years since your were a baby. She needs to understand that.


    Answer by adriennfaklya at 6:22 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • You can not hold a newborn too much. As you point out they thrive on the closeness to their parents. I am sorry your mom is putting so much pressure on you. Tell her to read some good parenting books or call the doctor and ask questions. Tell her to either be supportive or leave you alone. I had to tell my mom something similar and she backed off immediately. I wish you all the best!

    Answer by elizabr at 6:23 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • When babies are young like this you can't really hold them to much. I personally think it is good to put them down every once and a while, but that is me. I also think that as they get older if you don't put them down then they will become spoiled. The great thing about being a parent is that they are your children so for the most part you get to make the decision. If you like holding you DD all the time and you can hold her all the time then do it. Just explain to your mother that she is you child and you are going to raise her the best way you can. Tell you that you are doing what you think is best for her. You are not harming her or hurting her by holding her so just keep doing it.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 6:35 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • As the others have said, you can't spoil a newborn!! In that first year, they need the love and attention of their parents, it's the beginning of a life-long bond. Holding them makes them feel secure and loved. Please don't listen to your mother - her information is outdated.

    Answer by Scuba at 8:00 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Go ahead and hold that baby! You're the parent and you make the call. I get the same thing from both of my MILs and I do my best to calmly remind them that I'm his mom... not them. It's not easy to have people constantly on your case, but if you budge on one thing they know you'll budge on other things. Hang in there! You're doing what's best for YOUR baby.

    Answer by PeaceLoveKnit at 8:16 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • If you are living with mom, move out asap. If she is visitng too much, tell her you are ready for her to shorten her visits cause you have a lot to do. It sounds like the bigger issue is that she wants you to be daughter, not a mom... Distance yourself from mom.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 8:43 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Newborns need love and attention. Kids who are older are the ones who get spoiled. They are the ones who refuse to go to someone else because they want you. Infants need and thrive on that attention. You are the parent, stand up for your beliefs in raising the child.

    Answer by at 8:56 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • you can read "attatchment parenting" by Dr. William Sears. That will help you feel better about loving your little one. Maybe with some good information behind you, you could help your mom understand that you babies need that physical closeness.

    Answer by boobarandbell at 10:02 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

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