Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

My DH wants to go oversea for work. What do i do?

I just cant get over the fact of him being gone for days on end.. not being able to feel the baby and be at the doctors appt.. Isnt my pregnancy a time that he should be there for me?? I dont understand why he would want to up and leave us. I may be over reacting but, i am losing some sleep over it.. neither of us have any relatives that live within 300+ miles.. I have tried to talk it over with him, and i just cant see how the money is really "worth it" ugh it just make me so upset....

 
sarachelle1883

Asked by sarachelle1883 at 4:49 AM on Feb. 11, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 4 (30 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • No offense, but it sounds to me like your pregnancy hormones are kicking in. He's not "leaving" you. He's working. There are pleanty of men who work overseas for weeks or months at a time. If it's more money, he's probably thinking about the baby, and how much stuff babies need. I know it's hard, but if I were you, I'd do my best to support him!
    rockinmomto2

    Answer by rockinmomto2 at 5:23 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I understand your insecurities,especially being pregnant,I was in panic when my husband often went away when I was having Fausto,but it was great when he came back we had loads to talk about and our relationship got stronger than ever,His absence will strengthen your character and his,You have plenty of us online to keep you compant,don't worry.Big hug
    laurainglese

    Answer by laurainglese at 5:33 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I don't think there is anything wrong with your feelings. And I really don't think being apart helps any relationship. I would be really upset if my SO would go away when I am pregnant and no family around. It can anything happen during a pregnancy. And when someone is heavily pregnant everything is hard to do. I would feel sold out if my SO would do this with me. But if this would be the situation I am sure we would find a way to move to the same country. Can you manage to move to that country with him? I understand how important the money is. But nothing worth to put a relationship into danger just being separated during the pregnancy.
    Can you ask your parents around or your friends? If he goes the most important thing for you and for the baby not to be alone without any physical or psychological help. Hugs. I am so sorry you have to go through this during your pregnancy. It must be an emotional shock.
    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 6:07 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Sometimes we have to go where the work/money is. My DH was traveling all over when I was pregnant for my youngest and I had placenta previa; constantly in and out of the hospital. It wasn't easy, but he was "gone" for us (and the rest of our family.) Try to be supportive, it's about all of you now, you know?
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 6:54 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • My husband, who is a cop, asked me how I would feel about him going to Afghanistan for a year to train. I freaked out... and I am not pregnant. No amount of money is worth leaving your family for an extended amount of time. It is different for the men and women in the military... they are fighting for their country not the all mighty dollar. I see it as running away from responsibility. Good luck to you... hopefully he will stay home.
    ConcernedMom141

    Answer by ConcernedMom141 at 8:26 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I think its a combination of both. It is the money..but sometimes men see these kinds of things as an easy out for not having to deal with other responsibilities in at home. I know many men who would rather be at work--then home being a stay at home mom...but on the otherhand....it depends on his actions..does he seem sad himself to leave you? (even tho he feels this job is "best?") Is he feeling bad about leaving? If he doesn't have any sad feelings about leaving, it could be just him assuming that his job is the most important thing he needs to do, etc. But not that he doesn't care about you or the baby, etc...it's hard to say. But if he does feel bad about leaving, then yes, it could be he just wants to do what he thinks is best. My ex was going to school 4 hours away after I had her..he didn't seem to give a crap that I just "gave birth", then ended up cheating..but he is a different story....I think it depends
    psychicRaelene3

    Answer by psychicRaelene3 at 8:01 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I also wanted to add....it depends how long he might be gone....is this an all year round thing? Can he take this job after you have the baby? (although possibly it might be better that he is gone while you are pregnant rather then AFTER you have the baby). Again tho, if it's just temp, it should be ok. :)
    psychicRaelene3

    Answer by psychicRaelene3 at 8:06 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Is it not an option to just move to where the job is until it is done? Are you to far along or it's just not possible? I ahev some friends who moved to England for 2.5 years for her DH to work.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 9:03 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • He probably will make alore more money overseas right? I had a friend and he took a job overseas and was only there maybe 6 mths out of the year and earned $300k a year doing it. He was able to actually be home MORE during the year even though he was gone 6 mths in a row. I think you should supoort his decision. It is one he probably did not come by lightly. The job market in the states is terrible and if he can support you and his child then that is probably his concern right now. You will be alright, and if he is making more money he may even be able to help by getting some help for your around the house when the baby is born.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:10 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I am sure that he is just worried about providing. When we are pregnant it adds another mouth to feed and a lot of weight on their shoulders. We are military and my husband is not usually around during my pregnancies. And our closes family is a couple thousand miles away. It is what it is and you make the best of it. I would support him and realize he is not leaving you he is just trying to make things better for the family. He can still be a part of appointments and every day life. There are so many way to communicate now. You are overreacting a bit but that is our right as pregnant women. Just try to support him the best way that you can.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 3:18 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN