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My fiance has not told his parents or his baby's momma that we are engaged. Should I be worried that he is "hiding" it?

I feel like he hides me and i had to beg to meet his dad and he wouldn't let me meet him until he knew his childrens mother was at work and wouldn't be there. Its like she is over there everynight and always calling! He never talks about me when he is on the phone with his family. What the hell?! i'm his fiance!!!! When i ask him about it he gets very defensive and some how turns it around on me and acts like its my fault! i need HELP! Does he still have feelings for his childrens mother? its like he doesn't want to hurt her feeling, he's rather hurt mine. maybe they should just be back together. shouldn't i be the most important woman in his life besides family? what to do? just give up or continue living not welcomed?

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Asked by new_stepmom2 at 3:38 PM on Nov. 17, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • Honey, you need to RUN, not walk, away from this guy. If he has no respect for you now, how will it be when you (IF you ever) get married???

    Answer by companygoddess at 3:42 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • That is very shady. Im assuming that his family and ex know your dating. Right?? IF not then it really sounds like he's trying to lead two lives. You really have to do everything you can do find out why. Do not set a date until you do so. If he wants to marry you then he has to show that he loves you and that he wants everyone elso to also. Its not fair to you to feel as though your not worth the time or discussion with his family. Have you tried meeting them on your own time? Maybe thats what you'll have to do. Then you may REALLY know why he's "hiding" you. GL :)

    Answer by Steph319 at 3:43 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Go with your gut :)

    Answer by Steph319 at 3:44 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Obviously he is not giving you the respect you deserve. If this is what he really wants to do he would shout it from the mountain tops that you are the one he wants to be with and has asked for your hand in marriage. He does have kids with another woman and they as adults must keep the peace for the childrens sake but you should be that important to him to announce you are engaged. Sitting down and having and adult conversation with how to tell the children, ex , and the family should be your next move. If he gets defensive then he is hiding something from you and you may want to take a long deep look into your relatioship.

    Answer by karmicenergy at 3:46 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • it seems as though he is stiil into his childrens mother. if he cant be man enough to get real with everybody and let them know what the deal is than he does NOT deserve you. emphasis on not. i mean what was his purpose in proposing if he has to hide it. youd be better off as boyfriend/girlfriend. i say pack up and move on. if he realizes he was wrong he'd call you back and he'd step up and be a man and let everyone know. if not then he wasnt worthy of your presence. at least youd be out before you actually get married.

    Answer by NATTY567 at 3:57 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • You shouldn't even be engaged to him if you haven't met his family since y'all been together. It sounds like him and baby momma might still be messing around. Make your demands and have yourself heard and seen. If he refuses then leave him. If a man really loves you, and wants to be with you, then he shouldn't hide you, he should show you off and flaunt you to the world. Besides the kids, you should be the most important person in his life, and you should be #1. Nobody else's opinion or approval matters except for his kids. Your way, or the highway. Good luck hun!

    Answer by ms.busybody at 4:22 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • i can't tell what to do with this issue but i would just think about what kind of man you have right now and his actions and think do i want to marry him? i would suggest you leave him. he doesn't have any respect for you.

    Answer by melody77 at 4:42 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • i would slow wayyyyyyy down on this wedding. I wouldn't even call it an engagement. It doesn't sound like you are anywhere near that stage in your relationship to be getting married. At least HE isn't. Don't rush. Make sure he gets all these issues worked out with the family and Ex. Wait as long as it takes. If he really loves you, he's not going anywhere. Just don't sign onto a relationship that already has all this drama!

    Answer by hopelessnance at 4:57 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • I can't imagine being engaged to someone without having met his family (and getting to know them). Slow down! As far the stuff with his ex, you have every right to be suspicious...however, it does seem kind of nice to me that he'd be careful about how to tell her that he's marrying someone else. I mean, they had something special once (and share a child), so she's going to feel slightly hurt no matter what...

    Answer by KatieCrandall at 5:21 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • I think he's just avoiding what he may feel is an uncomfortable situation. Most guys will avoid it as long as he can. I wouldn't feel like he was hiding you but, more like he wants to avoid being in the same room with 2 women he's been intimate with.
    I'd just feel good that he's with you and focus on that.

    Answer by TnWAHMom at 7:19 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

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