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Opinions of grandmothers having custody of grandchildren

I know some wonderful grandmothers who have custody of their grandchildren. However, sometimes it makes me wonder...

A Friend of mine is fighting custody of her grandson. She is in her 60's. She works full time,etc..but I noticed she drinks heavily every night...I also know she takes a lot of medication. For the most part, she is fit for her age, and looks beautiful. I do think he is better off with her since his parents are deadbeats and are alcoholics and on drugs, etc. But then again..sometimes I question her myself, since she is an alcoholic and seems stressed at the drop of a hat. Maybe I'm being too judgemental. But sometimes she seems like an emotional mess. Of course, he is better off with her..but I wonder sometimes if he is...he is only 9. However, sometimes I think he may not be better off with her since the reason his dad is a drinker--is because his grandmother drinks as well...or opinions please? I'm not exagerating about her drinking...she gets drunk on nights..one time after school she had 2 glasses of wine just before picking him up at the bustop to drive a few hours away. She is a good women..but I think she may cause him problems. She does provide well for him tho.  But I think sometimes she isn't "mentally stable" for him..not so much her age..but at her age, she seems to already sometimes tell me how "difficult" he can be--she also has him on Adderal for ADD..in which is causing him to have side effects with irritability, and getting angry at her for no reason (like lashing out)--although I do know part of that may be also because he never sees his parents hardly anymore. But one time when I mentioned maybe she should take him off the medication..she then said that she thinks she should "UP" his medication :O That really bothered me.  Overall I think she takes care of him..but in a lot of ways, she cannot deal with him either. Another thing is, she always mentions "he doesn't like when I drink..because he dad would too much"...isn't that a red flag? Or am I being too worried?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Feb. 11, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Sometimes being "better" doesn't make it "best".  Is it best to take the child out of a neglectful addiction run home and put him right back into the household of an alcoholic?  No, I don't think so. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 11:31 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • well, what would be the alternative? Sounds like the kids either stays in a house that cannot afford to have him, with parents that are into drugs and are alcoholics and probably neglect him. Or with a loving grandmother that has an alcohol problem too, but can probably afford to feed him and buy him clothes and give him time. If he's getting the alcohol influence either way, what would you pick?

    I think it's too bad that the grandmother is also an alcoholic. It might make the situation better for the kid to be with grandma, but it's still not the best situation. Or would you ratehr the kid go into foster care?
    Dalimonster

    Answer by Dalimonster at 11:17 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • She can't up his medication without a doctors permission! Poor kid! She does not sound like a good candidate for custody. If the courts or a social worker knew they would take him away. Maybe that would be best for him!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 11:23 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I am friends with a Grandma who had custody (and raised) her grandkids and in that case the Grandma was the best choice to 'parent' the kids. The mom had a boatload of problems- ranging from addictions, being homeless at times, her choice of professions.... and clearly she was not a fit person to parent and was not able to give the kids a stable home life. Where Grandma had a steady job (that she had for 20 yrs), she had insurance, her own home and car, and best of all she loved the grandbabies and she wanted to have them.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:20 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • My grandmother raised me and Im glad she did! I just feel bad that she wasnt able to raise my brothers too. I know that if left under my moms care she would have either killed me or got me addicted to drugs too.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 11:29 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • you're right ...but I just added "she seems to already sometimes tell me how "difficult" he can be--she also has him on Adderal for ADD..in which is causing him to have side effects with irritability, and getting angry at her for no reason (like lashing out)--although I do know part of that may be also because he never sees his parents hardly anymore. But one time when I mentioned maybe she should take him off the medication..she then said that she thinks she should "UP" his medication :O That really bothered me. Overall I think she takes care of him..but in a lot of ways, she cannot deal with him either. Another thing is, she always mentions "he doesn't like when I drink..because he dad would too much"...isn't that a red flag? Or am I being too worried?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:18 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • you are all right. She does better then his own parents. But just worries me sometimes. She has a good home, very clean lady, etc..but she acts like sometimes she can't handle him. I remember at first, she mentioned she took them to court (his parents) at FIRST just to "scare them"...meaning to see if they would "straighten up and they would get better". I think in her heart, she wants to have him, but really wasn't up to actually doing it. But like all grandmothers who worry about their grandkids, she most likely did the best that she could because if she didn't try taking him, then yes, he would end up in foster care. But her drinking is her problem. I sometimes think he will just end up like his father later on beCAUSE she lives with him...but time will only tell....
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:29 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Having been raised by and alcoholic, and spending too much time in the alcoholic's alcoholic best friend's house (also happened to be my uncle) this grandmother is doing this child NO favors. She may be better than the boy's parents, but she is not capable. To keep that child where he is will only leave permanent psychological scars that will affect him for the rest of his life, and probably not in a good way.

    Children would rather be FROM a broken home than IN one.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:42 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

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