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2 Bumps

Would you or could you give forgiveness to someone who.....

Just up and left you and your family? A close female friend was living with me, my husband, and my 2 children about 6 months back. She had already hurt us previously by just up and leaving(she had told us she was going out of town and would be back in a week but she really wasn't and had no intentions on coming back at the time) About a month or so she ended up coming back(I dont remember why just that she came back) we were all living together happy until she just up and left again. Said we were holding her back and she didn't feel "free"....Please know that I had told her if she ever wanted to leave to just say she didnt want to stay anymore and for the longest time she didnt work and we were paying for EVERYTHING she needed and in the end when she started working she had other "debts" to pay so she still paid us nothing. My kids were so close to her, they loved her, and for to just up and leave really hurt them. She lied to us, and never "really" wanted to be here....I feel so used...I had to listen to my kids ask where she was for over a week.....Apparently she is pregnant and engaged now....and it makes it harder on me because my best friend is still friendly with her.....but we are still so hurt by what she did to us....how would you handle this??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Feb. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I wouldn't be mad that she left, she is an adult, not your child.  I would however find it rude that she lied and said she was coming back and then didn't, and then showed up on her own terms.  You have a home, not a hotel.  I would also be upset that she obviously didn't appreciate the effort you guys put into the relationship and getting her what she needed. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 11:38 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • it was rude of her to do that. But why concern yourself over her anymore?Why would you let her move back in after she had done this before? Why were you paying her bills? Sounds like there is a little more to the story than you are letting on. I would just close the door on her, be her friend if she comes back around but you dont need another woman living with your family.
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 11:39 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Wow, I don't know. This kind of thing is why my husband and I are hesitant to open our home to people for long periods like that. Sometimes bringing another adult into the family like that (actually living in the home) invites trouble. We had a friend living with us once and things got super weird really quickly because she had all these feelings come up - feeling out of place, feeling neglected, feeling less loved, etc. All of which was kind of true... it wasn't her home, it was ours... she wasn't getting as much attention as my husband because she is my friend not my husband... feeling less loved is sad, because I do love her as my friend. It got weird and she left. It took a couple of years for us to rekindle our friendship.
    angelm523

    Answer by angelm523 at 11:41 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • i agree with shivasgirl sounds like the story is a little more than you are willing to tell. and if she didnt want to be there than why was she in the first plaace? i say good riddens if this isnt the first time she has done this sounds like you'll save alot of money
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 11:46 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Well she's already told you how she feels. How much more abuse do you want? I'd hate to put my kids thru that. A decent person wouldn't treat kind people like the way she treated you. It's one of those people u cut out of ur life. I'd send her a bill or just be done with her in my life or both. :)
    istealcookies

    Answer by istealcookies at 11:51 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I am so sorry you and your kids are hurting!! I think the best thing to do is forgive her... Forgivness isn't for the other person it's for you!! and it doesn't mean that your letting her off the hook.. It just means that your not going to give her any power over how you feel!! I wouldn't open my home or heart to her to hurt again, but I would definitely forgive her and do your best to move past it without holding on to any bitterness. Good luck to you!!
    mandyh0319

    Answer by mandyh0319 at 11:57 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I can see why you're hurt and mad. You trusted her, made her a part of your family, and she just walked out. Twice. It really sounds to me like she's using you and taking horrible advantage. If it were me, and she came back again, I'd tell her: You may be a part of my life, but you MAY NOT be a part of my house. It is too hard on all of us when you randomly up and disappear from our lives and we do not want or need that turmoil. If she's a good friend she'll understand, if she's a boomerang user she'll get angry and try to guilt trip you.

    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:59 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I totally agree with Rosehawk! Good luck to you.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 12:06 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Forgive her for finding a life and not mooching off of you anymore? Yes
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:30 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Express to her that it is ok for her to go where she wants but that lying isnt ok. Tell her you expect her to apologize to your children at least.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 1:02 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

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