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Should I change my ways to hide my minority religion and traditions?

Because my religion isn't a majority religion, should I be forced to change my outwardly appearances to "fit in" with the majority around me? My MIL has convinced my DH that my religious dress, symbols, and mannerisms (including working on changing my accent) should be hidden away from everyone. My DH used to be tolerant of my religion and tradition, but now he is turning into his mother. He would rather have no religion now than to follow mine, as he had once done before (actually begged to follow). Should I have to pack all of my things into boxes and place them into the storage unit? Should I have to wear regular t-shirts and jeans? How come I have to hide away like an outcast? I voluntarily moved up here to be with DH and his family. I left my entire family and culture to be up here. Is this fair to me?


Asked by Kenre at 3:59 PM on Nov. 17, 2008 in Religion & Beliefs

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This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Does MIL hide her crucifix (or whatever the symbol of her religion is) in her shirt when she visits you? Does she avoid displaying these symbols in her home? If she is not hiding her religion for you then she is a hypocrite. If she won't return the favor, why should you bother to hide your true self?? I know that I would feel NAKED without one of my pentacles around my neck. And I enjoy explaining the meaning of it when someone asks about it. You are guaranteed the freedom to dress or speak as your religion dictates by the American Constitution. You don't need to give up that right to anyone--not your hypocrite husband nor the mother he obviously learned his hypocrisy from. Especially if they won't give you the same consideration when they enter your house!

    Answer by witchqueen at 6:10 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • this is a tough that's been around for many thousands of years: religious intolerance. I don't know what to tell you other than you need to do what you are comfortable doing...what your conscience tells you is right. But when you make your decisions, understand that other people may not agree and there may be repercussions. Usually the right decision is the one that's the hardest to make. I wish you much luck with this...

    Answer by companygoddess at 4:11 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Do you mind if I ask your religion? Just curious. I can't think of a religion that you should have to hide. So my answer is no. Your accent, your style, and religion are a part of who you are. You would not be as good of a mother, wife, or friend if your were not being yourself and felt fulfilled.

    Good luck!

    Answer by jcsscfam5 at 4:12 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • What religion are you, out of curiosity? At one point in my life I was studying to convert to Judaism, but for now I'm Noahide.

    I don't think it's fair to you at all.I wouldn't change! If you are happy with your faith, keep it and tell your hubby and mother in law to respect you! :) (I know in some faiths, such as in Judaism, how you raise your kids is a big issue, but if that's not an issue, raise your kid in both faiths and see what your kiddos choose when they grow up.)

    I went through this with one of my ex's. Things ended up not working out for us, sadly.

    Best of luck! ^.^

    Answer by aridattebayo at 4:14 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • You should never feel like you should hide who you are...especially around the people you love. Your husband knew who you were when he married you and he should not expect you to just change now because he changed his mind about it. This is something he should have thought about before. I what makes you happy. Ignore everyone that has something nasty to say about it.

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 4:16 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Religion is between you and God, not you your husband and his family. If he cant accept it then he should have never married you..This is my opinion. No one should tell you what you can and cant do especially when it comes to your relationship with God. I would not put away anything and not change a thing either. They need to learn to get over it.

    Answer by MaiasMommy619 at 4:19 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Well what were you wearing that was so shocking? A pointy hat? Do you carry a cauldron with you everywhere?LOL, I mean, what is you MIL so upset about?

    Answer by brandyj at 4:28 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • I'm part of a Pagan Tradition called The Pa'avani Family Tradition. My mother raised us with these faiths and such. No one picked on us much growing up, but about three years ago my father, who is Catholic (like my family-in-law are), converted many of my siblings to Catholisism. The ones who were shaken enough not to be Pa'avani anymore, went to The Church of Latter Day Saints. My mother and I are the only ones left in my immediate family who are Pa'avani. DH was Wiccan when I met him, but he agreed with the Books in my family tradition, that he decided to follow it as well. Now he doesn't want any religion. I am so far away from my cousins, who still follow Pa'avani Tradition, and my mother. I'm so alone up here.


    Answer by Kenre at 4:32 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • "Well what were you wearing that was so shocking? A pointy hat? Do you carry a cauldron with you everywhere?LOL, I mean, what is you MIL so upset about? "

    It's a combination of pants and long sleeves shirt with an overdress, sometimes a shawl if it's a bit chilly outside. I also wear a pentacle around my neck. The only thing that gets me is that I have to keep checking to make sure it's tucked away in my shirt.

    Answer by Kenre at 4:34 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Change for no man. They can either deal with it and accept you as you are or they can just not see you. I would wear my pentacle proudly and dress how I want to dress. They don't need to be around me if it offends them. What they are trying to do isn't fair to you and you shouldn't let them walk all over you because you are of a minority religion. Be strong and be proud of who you are and what your beliefs are. ~Namaste~

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 4:44 PM on Nov. 17, 2008