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Update: Should we follow and spy on him?

Well as it turns out we didn't need to follow him afterall! A friend of my dh called to say that he caught his son and ours going on a joyride in his car with two girls and there was alcohol and cigarettes involved. We confronted our son and dh asked him to explain himself and his behavior. His reaction was to shove his father and tell us to mind our own business and he then stormed out. This just happened today when he got home from school. All this and only 15! Now I know where he has been and where the money went! We are beside ourselves. Any advice on how we should handle this? Is it hopeless? I feel like a bad parent!

Answer Question
 
WishyClarkson

Asked by WishyClarkson at 4:22 PM on Nov. 17, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 9 (305 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Ground his ass!! Don't allow ANY socializing whatsoever!! No cellphone, no car, no internet! Only let him go to school and he must come straight home no exceptions! Do this for at least 2 weeks but I would suggest a month because of the severity of the crime!

    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 4:28 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Your not a bad parent! Just do what Amy said. If his behavior becomes more agressive then hes gonna have to see someone. He def was way out of line to shove his dad and storm out when he was the one doing the wrong thing!
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 4:30 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Start by taking the door off of his bedroom! He is too young for privacy and doesnt deserve it! EVERYTHING his does is your business and by doing that you can prove your point!
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 4:33 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • he**
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 4:33 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Also add up all the money that he took from you and make him figure out a way to pay it back AFTER he does his "TIME"! Preferably make him get a job after school, then check up on him and make sure he shows up for work and stays there! If he get fired or quits ground him again! You have to give him definate boundaries! Don't let him get away with ANYTHING that he shouldn't be doing!! He needs to know that YOU are the BOSS! Not him!! Also you may need to check up on him to make sure he does not skip school!
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 5:27 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • he is just being a teen yea it is against the law but i do it when i dont have my kids vary rarley

    he is just having fun but i would ground him tho because he need to kno its against the law.
    i get it from my father he is an alchololice.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • First of all, none of this is your fault. You are not a bad parent. This is age, he is test to see how far he can push you before you break. I'm sure you feel it lol. As he is trying to become a man he will assert independence by rebelling. Now is the time to show him you will not be tested, you will not be broken. If he thinks it is grown up and acceptable to act this way, he needs to see that it is not and his actions have consequences. His car, phone, computer, tv, games, and money should all be taken away until he has earned the right to use them again. Our society is fast loosing respect for parents, fear is a key element in keeping his respect for you. He should be afraid to act this way again.

    Cris1128

    Answer by Cris1128 at 9:45 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Start ratting and don't stop. They had cigarettes - somebody sold them Is there a receipt? Call the district manager of the store and embarass them. The same with the alcohol. Receipt? Rat! Those girls have parents, tell them.

    Ground his butt. Not electronics of any kind. No video games, no tv, no movies and no music. Since he has all that time on his hands, pickout something for him to do with it. Maybe starting with a letter of apology to his dad for shoving him. Then some of the chores his dad has to do to help keep up the house - take out the garbage in every room. Rake the yard (no leaf blower allowed). Maybe he should wash and vacuum that car (in the driveway) he borrowed extensively.
    LeftBrainy

    Answer by LeftBrainy at 10:23 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • well he would never ever have them as his friends again. i would make him go down to the local ymca and do some community service if they let you. you know keep him busy and give him something to really regret having done. at this age it seems like grounding doesn't work. at least not for our son he seems to be perpetually grounded.so i think i'm going to take my own advice on this one. i would get a polygraph test done on him also. has he had sex, who bought the cigarettes and alcohol. he would have to pay me back when he got a job for the money he spent. so put him on slave labor. all his toys are locked away and he can go to his room with the door gone and tv gone and only his books to read or the lessons he was taking have him practice that. bore the crap out of him. if that doesn't work try counseling or a kids boot camp.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:15 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • My s/o went through a lot of the same issues with his parents, the cigarettes weren't a big issue, but the marijuana and alcohol were. They did very similar things, but in reality he says it only pushed them further away. They had a big falling out over marijuana use, just because they didn't understand it's just a part of growing up now-a-days. It's natural to assume that these events are horrible and possibly damaging to your child's future, but in reality you should be honest and straight forward, try not to be so over-bearing and intrusive.
    lillys_mommy09

    Answer by lillys_mommy09 at 1:05 AM on Nov. 18, 2008

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