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What to do? adult content

My spouse and I have fought since day one. I can’t seem to trust him, he can’t seem to trust me. We have never cheated on each other or anything like that. He complains about me to me almost all the time, about stupid little things, like misunderstandings. Example, he’ll say apple, and I’m pretty sure I hear orange. He then gets upset with me that I didn’t hear him correctly. We got in a big fight Wednesday because I knew he wasn’t going to do jack for valentines day(He told me he wasn‘t). I was tired of the lack of romance, on any given day. Finally, I figured out why I don’t think he really loves me and why we can’t trust each other.

While we were dating, I felt like I made him propose to me. I don’t know why I did that. I know he loves me, and I certainly love him. Our love is draining. So we decided that from now on we should be “best friends/roommates with benefits” so we could make sure that we could really fall in love this time.
The problem. I don’t think I can really do it, I feel like if I really want to make sure he loves me, we should do an informal separation. I brought up the idea of roommates, but maybe I’m just being selfish. I think he might need to see what’s out there (not that he’ll date for awhile. Or so he says). We have a 9 month old..and I guess I’m not sure what to do anymore. I don’t have a job, and I’m nursing, and can’t seem to find a stay at home job that would pay enough rent for me so I could move out. (not to say that I’m not looking when I’m not busy!) I haven’t told him that I think I should move out. I’m so confused. Help?

Oh, and we have tried marital counseling, it didn't make any difference what so ever.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on Feb. 11, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Stop that nonsense. Put on your big girl panties and make the marriage work. Stop trying to make it something it's not (roommates with benefits!). Either work on the marriage or make plans to divorce and get on with life. Skirting around it like it's something bad is just silly. Learn to listen to him. Tell him to do the same. It will work or it won't but don't play pretend calling it other things and not taking the relationship seriously
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:34 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • IMO it sounds like you two have never loved each other.
    notjstasocermom

    Answer by notjstasocermom at 7:30 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I think maybe its best to seperate the relationship never has been healthy ....
    mommyof2chasmin

    Answer by mommyof2chasmin at 7:33 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I've tried and tried to make it work. I listen to him the best I can. He doesnt' really listen to me, or believe anything I say. I'm trying to take it all seriously, that's why i'm thinking the whole roomates thing is just silly. I just think he needs to find out if he should have married me.

    We do love each other, well at least I love him. I've changed loads for him, he is not willing to do the same. I'm never good enough.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:39 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I agree with all 3 comments,this sound like puppy love to me.
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 7:48 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • How old are the both of you???? I have come to find that marriage is work. You may have pressured him to propose but he didn't have to and your baby didn't come about by itself. Come on! Maybe some communication work. Maybe when he says something to you repeat back what you think you hear and really listen.....and then when you speak have him repeat back what he hears. It sounds like you are just wanting your cake and eat it too. Just live together, maybe have sex together, or maybe date on the side....Where's the committment in that????
    runningmom5505

    Answer by runningmom5505 at 7:50 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Sounds like me about 20 years ago. I got married, I got pregnant within six months of our marriage. And I thought that his ways would change after the baby was born. It got worse. I finally decided to go at it alone after 10 years of marriage. By this time my son was10 and wanted so much better for him. So, I went out and managed to find help with housing and got a job. And I enrolled in the local college. So, what I want to say is that if you want to leave you can make it alone. If there is abuse in anyway, I would really consider your child and make a better life for both of you. Think of your child's welfare first. Do not expose your child to any disfunction. Stability and love is number in a child's life. I know that having two parents is the best, but one happy parent is always better. And, if you and your spouse do love each other and want to be together, decide to give a healthy life to that child.
    xochitle

    Answer by xochitle at 7:59 PM on Feb. 11, 2011