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Our doors are closed to visitors!...

For the past year we have been used and abused by various people, most recently mil! I am not willing to take on anyone else's problems anymore!

How do you tell people (family) you did this you fix it! Leave us alone!

 
Noosa

Asked by Noosa at 7:51 PM on Feb. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,483 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • There are all kinds of excuses: We are getting sprayed for bugs, We are having renovations done, We have a mold problem that we are paying a pro to fix- it will take time, etc., etc. Or make up one of your own that works for you. No one can take advantage of you without your permission. (credit Ann Landers) GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:12 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I just told my Mom she could not move in. Yeah... mean I know... my own Mom. But both her and her sister own the family home, 900 miles away from me, and I want to keep it that way.
    idaspida

    Answer by idaspida at 7:56 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Just tell them. It's the best thing to do, ya know.
    -AJ

    Answer by -AJ at 8:27 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • You tell them (choose one):

    I have problems of my own right now and really wish I could help you with yours...but I cannot.
    I have been neglecting my families needs all this time by worrying and assisting others with their problems and is has to stop.
    It's time for me to worry about my family now as they are my first priority and everything else is secondary.

    Yes, it may sound rude, especially if they are used to hearing you give them advice but they will understand and respect your decision.

    Been there, done that. I am a little more blunt and rude but for now, this will do. My brothers come over and I am like "Hey, you do the crime, you do the time!" They stopped visiting...lol!

    Dreamlander

    Answer by Dreamlander at 8:39 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Be Blunt and Honest... I've been where you stand am I make it clear that I have no issues in cutting people out. If they serve no positive purpose, use and abuse us, and the list goes on... I will drop you like a bad habbit!!!!
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 9:24 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Ha! I feel ya hun! I told my husband this year the Williams' family bank is closed!! No more lending to ANYONE and at one point this meant telling my mom no I couldnt help her fix her car!! Its hard but dang, were the ones with two young ones, working and trying to go to school! You are an adult and made your own life choices! Sorry you dont have savings but I cant bail you out any more!!! We have loaned out so much money to family and rarely ever saw it back! So this year its all about US! sounds selfish but we bust out booties to make our money, so it will remain in OUR house!
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 10:12 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I'm glad you asked this question because I'm going through the same thing. Been paying my baby brother's rent, cell phone and electricity for the last 3 months -- he has legitimate reason why he needs help -- but he's also been given plenty enough time to find at least part time work (even at McDonalds ) to help me help him. I have to cut off the $$ because I'm neglecting my own health issue and rescheduling dr appointments to pay his bills for him.

    I think it's just a point of being bold and honest and not mean (if you can avoid it). And IF there are family members who get mad at you for it - then you can bet those were the ones who were just using you to begin with -- a family member that understands what you are saying is the one that will still love you and offer to support you while you catch up on your own life's needs and priorities. This is when you get to see people's true heart of hearts.
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 10:43 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

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