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3 Bumps

Should I go to the new home of friends who are moving in with another family and are newly polyamorous?

My friends have been married for 9 years and have been faithful until 5 months ago when they decided they wanted to have an open marriage. They decided they would be fine with falling in love with others as well. They happend to meet a couple online and now are moving their families in together. There will be 5 kids 5 and under. I don't think I would want to visit them over at their house now. This would be awkward because we are so close. But I think my kids would find out anyways because their daughter is close to my kids. I would have no problem if they were a gay couple because they would be committed. I have a problem with an uncommitted couple with the kids calling both dads 'papa'. But I feel I am not as open minded as I thought and do not want to discriminate against people for their beliefs. What do I tell my kids age 9 and 6?

Answer Question

Asked by jthor at 9:01 PM on Feb. 11, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 7 (200 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Maybe the best thing to do is ask them how they think you should explain this to your kids? Honestly I don't even know... I have never even heard of a situation like this before.

    Answer by Namaste17 at 9:04 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • That's messed up!
    How does this fall under their "beliefs"? Are they Mormons now?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:07 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • As times change, we're seeing more and more varieties of what a family is. If it's right for them, it's right for them. Whether you can support that and eventually be okay with spending time at their house is up to you. Yes, your kids are going to find out and have questions. How you handle that is up to you. For me, honesty is the best policy, and explaining that they are all choosing to be one big family might be the best way to go. Explain that this is what their parents have chosen to do, and while it's not common (and your family won't be doing it), it's how they've chosen to expand their family. Good luck!!

    Answer by musicpisces at 9:09 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I would if I were friends with them, what someone else choose to do in there bed room just doesn't matter to me. I wouldn't tell you're kids about it, if they asked I would just say that they all live at that house and wouldn't get into details

    Answer by Liz132 at 9:10 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • I personally wouldn't go to their house with my kids because that's a bad influence IMHO

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 9:11 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Why stop your friendship for something they choose to do, they are free to love whom and how they want. and If you "NEED" to explain it to your children then simply tell them that Love has no limits of boundries and everyone Loves differently. You can be open minded and judgemental or you can be accepting and open minded. I have faith that you will do what is right for you. Good Luck

    Answer by wyattgrace at 9:13 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Liz132, I am less concerned what they do in the bedroom and more concerned about giving my kids the idea that marriage can include loving more than one wife/husband. It is also illegal. My daughter is 9 and is very aware of social norms.

    Comment by jthor (original poster) at 9:16 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Well I guess I would go over there without the kids first and see how they acted, that way you can get an idea if they would do something that you wouldn't want to have to explain to the kids

    Answer by Liz132 at 9:22 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • you have the right to teach your children your beliefs. You can continue to go to their home, but if you are uncomfortable your kids will pick up on it. You can tell them as much or as little as you want. You also can tell them your feelings on the situation. We are vegetarian, we have friends that eat meat,,but we dont eat at their homes. My kids know it's because we dont believe you should eat animals and that the other people do. We dont have to like or accept their lifestyle to remain friends, we just dont gather for the purpose of eating. You teach your kids your values.Good luck to you

    Answer by shivasgirl at 9:23 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

  • Wyattgrace, I would not end the friendship but not go to their house. This past weekend we had a long conversation about their relationship and their children, but I did not think to ask about my kids.

    Comment by jthor (original poster) at 9:28 PM on Feb. 11, 2011

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