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Back off or stand my ground about MIL

My FMIL is something-else, words cannot even describe her. I have talked about issues with her to many people and people just dont believe someone could act so foolishly, as my fiance says he's embarrassed. First meeting my FMIL she was so happy I was around, she just wanted her son to find a good woman and she wanted grandkids and blah blah blah. Then as months passed things changed. She became jealous because my fiance was spending more time at my place than at home with her (she was staying with him at the time). He told her he wanted to make sure she had somewhere to stay because she was his mom but he also wanted his own life. She got mad and didn't speak to him for awhile. So as she said "because he never talked to her or acted this way towards her, it had to be me." She started bad mouthing me, calling me a 'disrespectful b*tch trying to steal her son away, a hoe, and all the lil names she could think of. She would tell him "I would never put anyone above my mom, you're just wrong." I now randomly spend the night with my fiance on weekends. She started calling the cops on me all kinds of things I just would look at her and call her immature, which pissed her off even more. Finally the police got tired of coming out for her domestic calls and asked her to leave. Because she got so upset with him about me, she took all the furniture and left him with nothing but his bed, not even a set of flatware because as she said "she doesn't want me using it.' She still has a key and comes and goes as she pleases. My fiance has asked me to move in with him but I refuse because I want him to deal with her first. Change the locks and tell her to get her closet full of clothes or I'm not moving in. When she comes back she tells him how shes not his mother and how shes takking this and that from him because he chose me (?) . She stop help paying bills and told him to figure it out. I don't want to be his mother? Whats her issue. I hate putting him in the situation but I don't want this drama. I know she's his mom but shes toxic. If it were not for me he wouldn't have anything because I have been fixing things for him every since his mom left him high and dry. Is it wrong for me to make him do this. I'm not telling him to cut her off, but if she doesn't live here, she doesn't need a key.

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Asked by thelovelymzbre at 9:57 AM on Feb. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,326 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I didnt know my Dh had a brother? j/k
    Actually my mil sounds alot like the one you will have. Mine never liked me when dh and I started dating. It was all fine and dandy when he and I were just friends, but she actually contributed to us breaking up for 5 months. She would say the same sort of things your fmil says. How he was different towards her bc of me, how I must be the problem, and would tell him he wasnt ready for a relationship. After the 5 mth split he asked toget back together and I told him he had to deal with his mom first. He did. He told her he was back with me and she had to deal. She wasnt happy.
    Now that we have married and had a child she still doesnt LIKE me, but she deals with me and respects me. I dont think youre out of line at all. My advice would actually be to move out of that place completely and get your own place together.

    Answer by gemgem at 10:03 AM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • Wow. We can never control the actions of others, only our own reaction to them. Sounds to me like your bf may need some counseling to get past the abuse and manipulation his mom has used against him. Ulimately, he will have to stand up to her as a man or you will never be happy with him.

    Answer by mimistime at 10:08 AM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • Listen I have a monster in law too. My fiance comes from Cuban background so family is everything. He is the only child & the only boy. He pays for her morgage her car her insurnce she woudln't have anythign without him. I have yet to have a real ring from him because he can't afford it we;ve got into some heated arguements over "YOU'RE 32 WHY ARE YOU SUPPORTING HER AND NOT YOU'RE FAMILY!".She liked me at 1st & BANG hated me. I think that you need to put yourself in his shoes and think how torn he must be, she maybe a wack adoodle but he is her son. I also think that if he won't talk to her, then he doesn't respect you. There comes a point he needs to put his foot down in an approprite manner but it's not for you to choose when and how he should do it. It's his issue his mother, you're best way to stand by his side is bite your tounge, you need to swallow your pride at times and dismiss her and her immaturity

    Answer by Jersey_class at 10:09 AM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • def stand your grounds or she'll think its ok and keep doing stupid crap... im in kind of the same situation but no cops have been called thank god hah good luck!

    Answer by mama2r at 12:00 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • Sounds like somebody is being a big baby (your fmi) Get her out of the picture.Let her know b4 you marry him how your house will be run.Sounds like your df needs a kick to help him get this solved.Sorry for you.I have been blessed with a great MIL .I am closer to her than my own mother.Yeah it happens! Guilt trips and shame is all she can come up with right now,but you know if you do nothing it will hurt soon enough!!Good Luck dear.

    Answer by grismelda at 12:36 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

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