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5 Bumps

How do I overcome Heart Break adult content

Hi Ladies I'm sure this may have happened to you and need to know how I can deal with it. I have been married 2 years almost and had a great marriage then last Sunday I found a text message from another women to my Husband. He has been talking to her at work and says he is just a friend who he goes out and smokes with (and thats ok BUT). He told her he was Divorced and lived with room mates. I asked her what else he said and he told her he was single and of course he doesn't wear his wedding ring.

When I asked him about it, he went sheet white (surprise) he didn't know what to say so of course he lied and said it was nothing but someone to talk to. I told him why did you tell her you were single and why dont you wear your ring he said I guess I was stupif and then he said sometimes when I have to wear gloves at work i didn't want to loose it....what a crock of SHIT!.
He said friends only I say if I hadn't caught it when I did he would have slept with her and I know it. Before we met he had below average self esteem and work BCG Birth control glasses and wasn't attractive at all but I saw something else in him and gave him a complete make over and confidence.
So I don't know if this lady made him feel good or what but he ran for it. also a little history I am Black and he is white and all he ever dated or attemped to date (attracted to) was Hispanic women and ironic the women he was trying to hook up with is Mexican. I told him that if that is what he wants fine but why did you merry me? he said because he loved me (im doubting it now) but he has always treated me like a queen so I don't know why he did this.
Im trying to deal with it but all my trust is GONE and he still wont confess about wanting to date her....please give me advice and tell me if its worth working it out. I did tell him that if he ever does this again he is OUT and that if we were not Married he would be gone now.
He is kissing my ASS now but im still hurt, mad, non trusting and don't even want to wear my ring or look at his face.

Answer Question
 
dusty1962

Asked by dusty1962 at 12:48 PM on Feb. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,831 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I'm not sure what I would so in your position, I guess all I can say is maybe you need to give it some time, see how you feel after awhile, if your feelings do not inprove it might be time to move on, or else seek some help. Good Luck, and Sorry your husband did that to you.
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 12:56 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • Yes, I feel your pain,I just went through the same thing 6months ago. But, mine was talking to old girlfriend from school (30 yrs). He did this all behind my back and I can't stand a lairer so, I left for 3 months but, now I'm back w/ him. It's a long story but, I'm giving the highlights. We r trying to work it out but, it's hard. The trust is gone and I hope it come back I guess time will tell.Men only think w/ one little brain and I guess we have to remember that. We've been together for 7 yrs. and I do stil love him but, It still hurts when I think about it. Good luck!
    pswiley

    Answer by pswiley at 1:22 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • wow!!! i believe there is alway room to working things out. but it has to work both ways. i also believe ur an amazing person still tryna find a way to over come this... but my impression is that ur more and beyond pain that things won't get better. i also believe that in the back of ur mind ur gona believe he is always looking. to be honest u wont ever know, i believe u should take time a part, let things settle on whether u can move pass this. and he needs to feel that this is a big deal to u, also ur are not a going to tolerate this from him. i say go on a wknd trip to refresh whats important to u, and what u deserve from a man that should be committed. marriage is not a game that only u decided to be in but its an oath u both have taken together. please consider taking a wknd trip at the spa to reset urself... i will be happy to pay for a wknd spa for u... i want u to value urslef... cuz ur worth it... purplebroom
    purplebroom

    Answer by purplebroom at 2:11 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • To purplebroom I was so taken by your offer to send me on a trip there need to be more people like you. I am trying to deal with the issue but it is hard but I can't leave my son and to be honest i don't want to leave him alone in my house and he bring her there. I think I would snap......THANKS
    dusty1962

    Comment by dusty1962 (original poster) at 2:20 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • I'm so sorry :( I really don't know what to say but I'll bump ya
    Raccoon

    Answer by Raccoon at 2:24 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • I am so sorry you are going through this what a huge shock. He probably would have cheated given the chance. I would suggest a pastor or a therapist and go into marital therapy to see why he would be willing to take such a huge risk of ending his marriage. I worry because he still isnt willing to admit he had an intrest in her. Of course he is trying to make things normal now with you. Actions speak louder than words see if he is willing to get some therapy and tell the woman that he lied and is married.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 2:29 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • WOW. You need to calm down. You are mad about one thing and letting it spillover into something that hasn't happened and probably won't. It is true, if you look for something you will find it. Looking at other people's emails, txt msgs, especially if it is your hubby or significant other, only leads to disasters, no matter how small. Had you not looked you would not be upset. If he says it is nothing, then believe it until you hear otherwise.  Explain why you were upset and then drop it. Men have found out, a lot of women really do pursue men more intensely when they know the man is married, thus a lot of guys don't wear their rings at all. Never let anyone take your power away.  You are The Wife. Go back to being sweet. (BTW I'm a sistah, my hubby is white). If his employer has a smoking policy, they have one about sexual harrassment as well, it only takes 1 wrong email or txt to be an issue. Best wishes :)
    jdjamm

    Answer by jdjamm at 2:34 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • jdjamm, REALLY? So it would be okay for him to cheat as long as she never found out about it? He is lying to this other woman about his relationship status!! That is a big clue that he is lying about other things as well. I suppose that the wife should just look the other way?
    Bethsunshine

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 3:34 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • Thanks for the back up Bethsunshine, I guess jdjamm is just desperate and is scared or dont want to know what her man is doing.
    dusty1962

    Comment by dusty1962 (original poster) at 3:49 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • sounds like something I went through with my ex. never married him, almost did. Thank God I didn't.

    Once he got up some self confidence, suddenly he wanted to venture out and explore those women that were now interested in him.

    In my opinion you've got trouble in your hands. my Ex treated me like a queen after a discretion as well.
    eventually he just decided that someone else was better.
    turned out that they got sick of him pretty quickly, and when he tried to come back and told him to get lost.


    I'm sorry this happened to you, but my feeling is that this is a sign on things to come, and I wouldn't stick around to see it.
    he is dishonest, and like you said, the trust is gone.
    normally I'd say go for counseling and I'm sure many would tell you that, but I say that life is too short to waste- don't sell yourself short with him.
    you can do better.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 3:58 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

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