I made a huge mistake back in August and gave custody of my son to my grandmother, I am a single mom and had him when I was 17, no support from my parents, so getting up on my own feet was very difficult. Long story short, I got hospitalized, I lost my job, I was losing my house and was worried about where he would stay and she said he could stay with her until I found another house if I would give her custody then she promised she would give it back. My custody was not taken, DSS was never involved, I was never proven an unfit parent, at the time I was worried about my son and did what I thought was the best. Also my grandmother went ahead and got a lawyer and I was worried that since I wouldn't have anywhere for him to live that I might get my custody taken. When I signed over my custody I had a bad feeling and have cried every day since. This turned out to be the biggest mistake ever! My grandmother has turned out to be very controlling over my son and acts as if she does not want me to have a relationship with him and constantly does things to hurt my feelings. After I signed the custody over I got to move in with my boyfriends parents (at the time they didn't know about the custody situation), then my car caught on fire, and then I found out I was pregnant again even though I was on birth control. So a whole bunch of really bad things all happened at once. I couldn't find a job due to being pregnant and my boyfriend found a few temporary ones but just recently found a steady one. We weren't planning on staying here long and his parents said my son was more than welcome to live with us, it's a safe place where he would get to be with me and even have his own room and everything, but my grandmother said no. I have talked to a lawyer and she said I should have no problem getting him back but it would cost 1500 to hire her, I would get half back, but I just don't have that kind of money right now. We have been trying really hard to get our lives together so both kids can have a good life. We both started college. I have to live everyday feeling gulity about the mistake I made, I am constantly feeling depressed because I want to be a good mother and raise my son and I ate that I am missing time with him and I'm worried about how long it will take for me to get him back. My grandmother says things sometimes like she doesn't know if she is going to let my son stay the night with me anymore because when he comes home he wants his mommy, and this upsets me because I want him here and he wants to be here, she is just only thinking of her own feelings and wants him there because she would miss him if he lived with me. I get really upset constantly because she holds him over my head and she tries to control everything I do whether it involves my son or not and if I disagree she finds excuses why I can't see him. She buys him a new toy almost every day and spoils him so when I do have him he doesn't listen well and gets an attitude sometimes. I hate that I made such a huge mistake.
So here's what I'm really worrying about. I recently filed my income taxes and got enough to get a car, which would help us out a lot since we don't have one and have to use my boyfriends dads truck to go places and it costs a lot of money to put gas in it to the point where most of his paychecks pay for gas so we really can't save money. I also go enough to get us into a house. This would be great since our baby will be here soon. The problem is my grandmother wants me to give her half of my money so she can use it to pay back her lawyer loan. Why would I pay for something I didn't even want?!? I don't want her to have my son right now and I'm definatly not going to pay off her debts. We literally never have money, and she spends money on stupid things like buying a flat screen tv to put in my sons bedroom and getting him toys everyday. The only reson we are making it right now is because my bf's parents have been more than helpful and contributed to helping us because they know how hard we are trying and want to see us have a good life. I want to keep my money so we can get a house and car and start a life, But I know as soon as I tell my grandmother I'm not giving her the money she will get mad and say I can't see my son. I know eventually I will be able to save the money to get a lawyer to get him back, but it breaks my heart to think of the time I won't get to see him until then. I feel that in the long run keeping all the money would contribute to giving both my children good lives, but then I feel like a bad mom if I pick money over getting to see my son for a while. My nerves have been torn up lately and I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of my grandmother always being so controlling, and I feel that if she really cared about my son she would let me keep the money to put towards a house for him so he could be with me. I want to tell her no so I can keep my self dignity and do what I feel is right for the future.
Asked by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Feb. 12, 2011 in General Parenting
Answer by Mamaoftwingles at 4:49 PM on Feb. 12, 2011
Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:37 PM on Feb. 12, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Feb. 12, 2011
Answer by shay1130 at 4:44 PM on Feb. 12, 2011
Answer by shay1130 at 5:01 PM on Feb. 12, 2011
Answer by Davina85 at 5:01 PM on Feb. 12, 2011
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