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Questions for moms who are very close with their 1st born...

How/when did you decide to have another? I have a VERY strong bond with my son (18 months now) and I cannot seem to understand how it would even be possible for me to love another child as much as him. I also have feelings of guilt like if I were to have more kids, how would that make him feel and how would I be able to give another baby my attention? Before he was born I wanted 4 kids. Now I can't even seem to fathom having 2! I want him to have a brother or sister, but I feel like I don't have enough room in my heart to love any more children but him. How can I get over this?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:22 PM on Feb. 12, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • i feel the same way about my dd. like i couldn't love another kid as much as i love her... i asked my mom, ( four kids, all four years apart) about this and this is what she told me: "I love jay the most, because he was my first, because of all the worries and learning and my own amazement. i loved you the most, because you were so much like me, because you were the little girl i'd wanted so bad, because you were so bright and so pretty. i loved jesse the most, because he needed me so much, because he was such a challenge, because he needed me to love him the most. i loved jennifer the most too, because she was my last chance to be a mother, because she was the baby, and because i could finally relax and enjoy it, knowing everything there is to know about being a mama." it doesn't seem to me that i could love anyone as much as shiloh, but then again, i worried while pregnant that i wouldn't love her as much as my dog lol...
    shilohsmama425

    Answer by shilohsmama425 at 7:10 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • It is hard to comprehend spreading that love over another child, but I have four, and it just happens. Don't worry!
    jengray72

    Answer by jengray72 at 6:39 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • I thought there was nothing in the world as great as my firstborn but I worried he'd be lonely so I had his sister when he was almost 3. They are very close even now.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:24 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • My oldest was 11 months when we had a bc oops. We never made the decision to have a second, it was made for us. We have always said that if we had to decide to have another child, we never would have 1)because we were close, 2) because he was a difficult baby and child and the timing would have never been right. Now they are 11 & 13 and very close with each other and their little brother, who is 6.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 6:29 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • funny you say that..i thought the same during my whole 2nd pregnancy. I felt like i was guilty because i'll take time away from him that i'll have to spent with the new baby...i guess that is a normal feeling..I was home the whole time with my first one til the 2nd came.So he was spoiled with me having nothing but time for him! My son is 2 1/2yrs and the second boy is 3 mos now. and i tell you my 1st born loooooves his little brother! He even tells me when he spit the pacifier out like it was my fault not noticing it..bad mommy! lol He's happy to be a big brother, still sometimes he acts out when all attention is on the new baby but that's normal. And ilove my 2nd born the same as my 1st.even though i must say the 1st one is just special :) But a mommy heart doesnt have a limit! bring em on,and u'll love em ;)
    Davina85

    Answer by Davina85 at 6:35 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my second. I was really rather worried. But the minute my second was born, I loved him the same. I love all 5 of my children very differently but all the same.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 6:45 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • For me, it was simple. I always knew I wanted 2 children and I never felt guilty about wanting a 2nd because of how extremely close I was (and still am) with my first. Love is infinite, there is no "set" amount.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • I think that's a VERY common fear among moms. I had the same worry before I was pregnant, and even while I was pregnant, with #2 and everyone I talked with about it said they had the same feelings. But it's okay - when they are here, it just happens. I have 5 kids and I don't love any one more/less than any of the others - they are all different and special in their own way. The love just grows!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:19 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • I felt EXACTLY the same way. I just didn't believe that I would love another child as much as I did my first. The good news is that you grow MORE love. The second child doesn't take any love away from the first one, you make more. There is just nothing on earth as awesome as the love a mother has for her children.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 10:55 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

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