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Help with my boyfriends family...

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now, and we are expecting our first child. His family hates me. He was married before me, they dated for 5 years, and we married for less than 8 months...his family STILL talks about her. His mom has a pic of the two of them in her wallet, there is a pic up on their wall of them, and they just bought a new home last year, so they PUT it up on purpose! His dad has a ton of pictures of them on his facebook, and the captions read "To bad this didnt work out" etc. It really really hurts my feelings, and I dont know what to do about it. They are very judgmental and unhappy that we are having a baby. Their other daughter has a two year old who they are raising, because she is a heroin addict who lives with them, and she is pregnant again...and boy, are they crazy supportive of her. My bf and I both have jobs, we live on our own, I am a full time student. I have never been ANYTHING but nice to them, and, despite the way they treat me, I do LIKE them. I am a really easy going person, and I usually let the things they say to or about me slide off my shoulders, but Im having a hard time with it now, especially bc we are having a baby, and we want to get married. I do not know why they dont like me. I have talked to my boyfriend about this, and he just says Im crazy. even though, she calls him every day to ask if he has "pissed me off yet today" or "what my problem is". I dont even know where this comes from!! My bf spends alot of time time with them, he will go over there for several hours almost every day, to fix stuff for them or whatever. Sometimes I go, but I end up getting reprimanded, or bashed in some sort of way. I dont know what to do anymore. I want to be a part of his life forever, but I dont know how much longer I can deal with them!!

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Asked by Tarrar at 7:01 PM on Feb. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (13,733 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • That sounds awful. Would you consider talking to his mom about it? I can understand why he would think you're being crazy though... my ex was a mama's boy (though you wouldn't really know it unless you were around him all the time like I was) and he couldn't see why I was bothered by certain things about her either. It can be REALLY hard being with someone and having inlaws that you really clash with. I'm sorry you're dealing with it!

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 7:06 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • i would just sit down with the family and tell it like it is.. see what they say to their defense and then go from there... hugs

    Answer by miritrose at 7:08 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • His mom is a really hard person to talk to. She is ALWAYS right. She is really controlling, and cannot stand when someone stands up to her. I feel that talking to her would only make things worse :( And, I am not a confrontational person in any way.

    Comment by Tarrar (original poster) at 7:10 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • If you are planning a life w/ this man, you need to have him on your side. If he cant be a supportive husb., then you may need some couples counseling. The counseling could help you deal w/ your feelings on how his family treats you too. You cant force them to like you even tho it makes sense for them to at least make the effort. So you have to learn how to live w/ it. Esp. now that a baby is involved. You will have contact w/ these people for at least 18 more yrs. And I would make it very clear that their attitude toward you will never be allowed to be expressed in any way toward or in front of your child. Ever! I wish you the best! GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:13 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • OP: Does she come on CM under the screen name of Carpy or Lori Keet? You just described them to a tee! -lol

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • ~*Damn Shame*~ and it is absolutely their loss if they are behaving like that, I have three boys and no way in hell I would do that to them and possibly a great daughter-in-law because of being a hateful/spiteful person??? What happens if later you and him have kids, will you still be forced to live in the shadow of someone that is an ex ... FOR A REASON!!!!

    Just know that you are in company of someone that can understand... my so called MIL chose my husband's ex that slept with his cousin and brother (and other men, including her current exhusband), while my husband never said one harsh word/action, and worked multiple jobs trying to "be a good man". I pretend mine is "dead" and make it a point for our three boys to never make the same mistake, by stabbing my own flesh and blood in the back??? I sometimeswonder why god places people like that in our lives... but only grieve for our kids

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 7:36 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • I thank God daily my husband chose me and his kids over the drama and BS... so we continually work on the foundation we build for our kids

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 7:38 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • What a bummer! That is so not fair. Some people are really messed up and project it onto you. I kind of had a similar experience with my MIL at first. My dhs ex was pregnant at the same time as I was, and they gave her a baby shower but not me, ect. So dumb, but not to the extent that you are going through! I just hung in there and eventually they all came around. I would worry more about the relationship with your man. How dare he tell you that you are crazy. He needs to acknowledge your feelings and support you ESPECIALLY while you are pregnant. Tell him he is lucky to have you in the first place, and he better be careful cuz you are a priveldge not a right to have!
    You don't have to be with him just b/c you are preggers.
    Good luck mama. I hope it all works out for you.((((HUGS))))

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 7:39 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • I would sit down with him and let him know he needs to talk to his parents and let them know that he loves you and that what he had with him and his ex didn't work out and they need to show respect to you. If they can't he needs to not be over there so much. Him not putting his foot down and sticking up for you is adding un due stress to you and is not good for you right now. This may cause friction later on if its not taken care of now. It it will not be good for your child either

    Answer by princesschilly at 7:39 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • What doesn he say about it? My ex-MIL didn't like me either. She was so picky and always had something to say about something I did. I still believe that our marriage didn't last because of her. I tried to be nice, but one day, I told her exactly what I thought, got my daughter and left. Maybe your hormones are playing a part too. We're always more emotional when we're pregnant. Maybe when the baby gets here, they will feel differently.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:00 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

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