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2 Bumps

How to respark the love again???

My husband and I have been having a hard time with our relationship ever since he came home from his last deployment. He was home only 10 months and will be gone for over a year now. He really doesnt talk to me (phone, IM, etc), doesnt tell me about his days or anything for that matter, the only time we actually have a conversation is when we talk about our almost 2 yr old.
The sexual relationship is blah on my side and he thinks it rocks on his. (as long as he is getting some he is happy, sexually and in the rest of life.) I have found that he thinks sex means love, so in turn I get no cuddeling, no hand holding, no closeness, the only time he kisses me is to make it go to sex.
I dont ever feel giddy about him and if I do he basically drop kicks it, so I just dont get excited anymore. I was thinking tonight and realized Im not even sure about the love part. I just feel like I have an emptiness when I think of if I love him. I'm more annoyed by him and him just wanting sex.

Anyways, I was wondering if there are some women out there that have found ways to respark the love feeling and the wanting to be with them again, not just sexually but with them in the relationship?????

Sorry so long. Im sitting here in tears just having these words come out of me in some way. I didnt get married just to get out of it so thats not what I want, just hate knowing I had more love in a relationship prior than I ever have with my husband :(

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Feb. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Hearing your sadness makes me sad! While reading a couple of ideas came to mind. First I wanted to share with you that I had those relationships before that it only seemed like I was being used for sex...that it didn't even feel like I was loved. Now I am in a relationship that is complete opposite. My husband has a low sex drive and doesn't want to cuddle or have sex so I can relate some what. What about this... men naturally have a large appetite for sex. What about suggesting to have some kinky game. Now hear me out... You could tell him the deal is. You will do something for him(what ever you don't mind doing) strip tease, dress in an outfit, massage his back and maybe somewhere else. The deal is he has to take turns and do something for you. Example, massage your back, or make out for at least 10 minutes. Just lay and talk. What ever you want. This way you can get both of what you like...I hope it helps. Also
    AmyLynn5398

    Answer by AmyLynn5398 at 11:58 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

  • also...the closeness is so important for you to share with each other since you will be apart for so long. If you can...try and mentally think that you want to give him something to think about while he is gone. You can try and talk to him as well. What about in a nonthreatening way that the time apart is hard on you and you understand that sex is important to him just as much as cuddling is to you. Ask if he could promise you some one on one time after you rock his world or before.
    AmyLynn5398

    Answer by AmyLynn5398 at 12:00 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • well sweetie why dont you tell him how you feel & that you want him to cuddle with you & want to enjoy his company & just talk & that you want him to tell you how his day is & why dont you see if you can do a date night with your husband to just talk or watch the stars or rent a movie just to enjoy holding hands
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 1:32 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • My husband was the same before he went on the deployment he is currently on. I was so frustrated and felt like it was all about sex! I completely know what you are talking about!!!!! I know he loves me dearly and I love him more than words can describe but there is always a thought. It gets really difficult to explain but I understand what you are talking about. Having your DH gone for a year or more at a time is miserable. We are 2 months into our deployment and I feel like its been 2 years. When my husband was home it did help to tell him how I felt and that I NEEDED to cuddle. He has never turned me down, especially when I come to him and explain I just need him to hold me. Its a constant thing though, I constantly have to tell him what I need. Hopefully one day he will just do it or I will just get used to not needing it. I don't know. I don't ever want to divorce but only you can make that call when enough is enough. GL!
    1stTimeMommy101

    Answer by 1stTimeMommy101 at 7:41 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • I also wanted to add, if you need someone to talk to I am here. You can message me or however it works on here. I don't know, I am knew the cafemom. Sometimes it helps to vent. I used to vent in an email like I was going to send it to someone but never would and then I would just delete it. I would feel like I got my thoughts out and it would help but sometimes its nice to have a completely different view on things from someone on the "outside." Family isn't always a good place to vent because sometimes they make judgments even if they say they wont, its human nature and they will have to look at him even after things have gotten better for you two and I never liked talking to friends because I didn't want them looking at my husband in a bad light. I don't like airing my dirty laundry LOL. So, I am here if you would like to talk to someone who understands. =) Military wives gotta stick together!! ;-)
    1stTimeMommy101

    Answer by 1stTimeMommy101 at 7:47 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

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