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Seriously, why cant my friends grasp this? do you have some friends like this?

so my hubby and i have known eachother for 9 years now since we were 16 years old. almost all of our friends are mutual from highschool. they are all fully aware that we are married and have 3 children, and that its not exactly possible for us to go out a lot these days.

last night we had a sitter, and used the opportunity to have dinner just the two of us for Valentines Day. we had planned afterward to hang out with some of those highschool friends but it was too early for them to go out apparently. so we went to his coworkers friends house and hung out with him and his girlfriend for a while. 1030 rolled around and both of us were tired, so we went home.

around 11, my friend said he was on his way to the bar. so i told him well its late for us and were going to bed. i do have to go shopping this morning before i pick up the kids and i plan to pick them up early. besides, the last thing i want to do is be tired & hungover when i have 3 kids to take care of today. and sleep is my greatest desire! anyway, he actually got mad and said, "whatevs" and dropped the conversation. then my other friend texted me at like midnight and she said, "if you have a sitter for all 3 why arent you coming out?" i didnt get the text til this morning but it just made me feel like.. wow. its not our fault that they didnt even get to the bar til 11 pm. sitter or not when you have a family youre used to going to bed at a certain time and certainly used to this lifestyle. they just made me feel like shit, like we were old or something. when really its about maturity, i think.

i know theyre single and just dont get it. just as i cant comprehend not even getting to the bar til 11 or 12 and staying out til 3 am and sleeping til noon the next day. but sometimes i feel like it puts conflict on our friendships. do you have friends like this and how do you handle it when they criticize you for being responsible!?

 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 8:16 AM on Feb. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • They just don't get it. And not to be harsh, but at some point in life, some friends will fade out. And you will make other friends who are more on your own level of life. Hence, work friends and others with kids.
    2BlondeBabies

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 8:30 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • Sound like you and your friends are going in two different directions in life. Single people and married people with kids have different priorities in life. Don't let it bother you. You might want to find some friends who are more like you.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:58 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • They likely don't understand. So keep your sense of humor and explain, patiently.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:17 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • I handled it very simply, if they got too pushy and too in my face about it and couldn't accept it then they were no longer friends. I was actually the one with no kids when I was younger, but I also didn't party and go out a lot either. I kept most my friends but they did lose quite a few too because of the lifestyle difference.
    aeneva

    Answer by aeneva at 8:27 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • I went through this same thing when my kids were little. My DH and I were the only one with kids and we have 3 children as well. When we would get a baby sitter it was for us to go out together. Finally one New Years Eve this became really bad and I had to tell my friends, I would rather spend New Years Eve with my children than go out with all of you. This didn't go over well and my DH and I ended up making new friends over the years. Now my children are 13, 11, and 9. DH and I have a great group of friends who have children and understand what it is like to have to cancel at the last minute or going to dinner early. Your friends from HS will get it once they have children, if they ever have them. Our friends from HS now have little kids and they understand more. They get that you can't stay out til 3 AM when you have to take care a 1 year old!


    Good Luck and try not to let it bother you!

    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:37 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • When I was younger I did have friends like that, now most of my friends have kids and we all joke around about how they used to go to the bars at midnight and be all hung over the next day. Now we just have one friend (actually couple) who is child free and no they dont understand. We dont argue with them though. I just tell them they know we have kids so the weekends dh and I have to ourselves are for ourselves and if they do see us or are included then they are lucky lol.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:53 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • I had friends like that, the key word is HAD! All my highschool or childhood friends bailed on me, but it wasn't because I'm a parent; it was because I was too busy fighting my endometriosis & ovarian cancer! I know it sucks & it hurts, but thats just a part of growing up! My best advice to you would be to find a new group that can understand you guys better, if any of your old friends are your true friends than they'll stick around but you should explain to them how it makes you feel when they nag you. Believe me, when they start having kids and feel pushed out of the circle you'll be the first one they call!
    Hope4Teal

    Answer by Hope4Teal at 9:31 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • When high school friends grow up and start having families you find out how much effort and understanding they will have in maintaining the relationship. It's just life, you know? You'll have some friends that you'll keep close, others that will just fade away.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:54 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • You did the right thing. Just keep telling them what's right for your night out and they are welcome to get ready earlier and hang with you for longer.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:45 AM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • When I got married and had a baby I had to switch my single friends with married ones. It's such a different lifestyle and they will never understand. I didn't even know how hard parenting was until the baby arrived. You have to make the best choices for you and your family and if you don't want to be hungover the next day then that's your right. One day it will come full circle when they have families of their own.
    rpetullo

    Answer by rpetullo at 3:39 PM on Feb. 13, 2011