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Moms with HFA children...

Do you ever mourn for the child you had before they were showing symptoms. The child you were so excited to take to birthday parties and playdates, sign up for sports and scouts and have calm evenings going to the movies and going to the store with no more than a little whining about being bored... I mean do you ever miss that time when everything was 'normal' . I don't know how to explain it. I guess it has just be a particularly hard week... And yes I accept him for who he is. If I hadn't he would not be in therapy and have and IEP at school and I certainly would not have gone after a diagnosis. I accept it. I just miss the time when I had so many normal hopes for his childhood.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on Feb. 13, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (3)
  • I have often said that I am fortunate in a way. My 11 year old son was never 'normal'. I do not have another child to mourn.
    However, now that I have a 20 month old, who reminds my so much of my son as a toddler, I see in him what my son may have been. Then I do feel a little bit sad--especially after a rough week. I think it's normal.

    Hang in there, momma. Yes, sometimes our days are rough, but the rewards of hanging in there are very much worth it.

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:48 PM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • Yes - when parents get a diagnosis of autism, many mourn for their lost dream, lost hopes, etc. It is a normal part of the process and it takes time. My son is 13, his diagnosis was over 10 years ago and I think I'm finally about done grieving :) I now appreciate him for who he is and what he can do, rather than wishing things were different. I appreciate how it only takes very simple things to please him, and he doesn't have the huge "wants" that my other kids have - he's just happy with what he has.

    Answer by missanc at 8:21 PM on Feb. 13, 2011

  • Well said,missanc. My son was diagnosed at 3 years old, and for a time I did go through a mourning period. Now that we have learned how to deal with his autism, I don't mourn the loss of the "typical" child but celebrate the victories my son experiences daily!!

    Answer by Robsmommy at 12:19 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

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