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How to feel about this?

My daughter is a 15 year old sophmore. They just had a dance at school where she was told that she can go only if I drove her there because my husband and I feel that at this age we don't want her driving with anyone that is still just in high school that we still need to drive her up until at least being a junior and turning 16(or maybe even 18). I took her to the dance where it was to last until 11:00PM and she called me at 10:00PM to pick her up. When I went to pick her up she was crying and yelling how I am the most embarrassing parent ad how some of her classmates were making fun of her because her "mommy" dropped her off. I feel bad but I did see other kids getting dropped off so it was not just mine. How am I to handle this? Was I wrong? Am I wrong? Will this age ever end?!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Feb. 14, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (13)
  • No offense, but, sometime you have to cut the strings and let them go.
    I don't see what the big deal is.....letting her ride with some of her friends.

    High school iis very harsh.

    Unless, you don't trust her, I'd say let her go. :)
    Chloesmom1126

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 9:54 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • You are not wrong, although maybe you could talk to her about having her friends come with her, so when she gets dropped off it is not just her being dropped off. I think as a parent you have to do what you feel is best and while she doesn't understand this right now, she will some day. Kids are cruel and make fu of each other for all kinds of reasons. It is never easy, I just think you need to talk with her so she understands why you make the decisions you make. As I said she will not understand them and be made for a while, but she will get over it.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:56 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I'm sorry, but being dropped off in HS is a fact of life around here. Not everyone in HS has their DL, not everyone in HS has a car. And here in NC there are so many restrictions the 1st year you do have your DL - you can't have a car full of friends.
    You need to talk to her and she needs to get over it. Sounds like she's got the wrong kind of friends if this is what they harp on her for.

    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:01 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I agree with the 2 pp's...also, if it's that big of a deal to her, tell her you'll drop her off a few blocks away from the school so her friends don't have to see her getting out of your car if it's that big of a deal to her. My parents used to let me out at the back of the mall parking lot instead of pulling right up to the door, lol. Oh, the things we worry about as teenagers! I'm dreading it with mine!
    vicesix

    Answer by vicesix at 10:09 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Seems odd...my daughter is 17 and has no problem with me driving her or picking her up

    Sounds like she wants HER way and she's trying to guilt trip you...
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:21 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Isn't in your job to embarrass her? I thought it was in the job description of all parents of teenagers - something accomplished merely by breathing:)

    I would sit her down, tell her this is the way it is and the reasons why. Then ask her how she would like to handle it the next time it comes up - have a friend ride w/ her, drop her off a little way away. And maybe talk to her about how to handle her "friends" teasing her. I was always one to take things too much to heart in high school, and the sooner she can get a little thicker skinned the better!

    Good luck!! And this will end. Who can explain how the teenage brain works. My DH teaches HS & asks me all the time why the girls are so dramatic and I can't for the life of me remember why we were that way at that age.
    sweetpotato418

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 10:33 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • There are occasions that you can leave her as she wishes, but this is not one of them. That's what you have to tell her. Maybe it was just her defense mechanism working by telling you that she felt embarassed, so that next time she can have her way with her friends alone.
    But really what you have to master is how your daughter must be behaving when she's independent of your company and she's with her friends? Is she a rebellious just-got-out--the-dungeon type, or can she pretty much handle and protect herself when she's with her peers? It also depends on what type of company she has. Just try to protect her without looking "overprotective".
    visa31927

    Answer by visa31927 at 12:18 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Here in cal. it is against the LAW for a new driver to have anyone under 18 (maybe even older) in the car until they have had a licence for over a year.

    You are 100% correct in your choice. IF it is with in your budget... perhaps for the next dance all the kids could pitch in and get a limo... then you know she would be safe but she wouldnt have mama driving her.
    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 2:38 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Honestly, my sons were taken to/picked up from everywhere they went until they started driving on their own/moved out on their own (for 2 that was the Dec. after they started the 11th grade...they were 18 and 17 & still living at home and for 2 others that was after they graduated from high school (they were both 18 when they graduated....once they graduated from high school we no longer had a say in what they did and until they started driving, at 19 for both of them, they had friend picking them and taking them places). Until they graduated from hih school NONE of my sons were EVER allowed to drive with any of their friends and for the 2 that started driving in high school the only passenger they were allowed to have with them was their brothers or their girlfriend...no other friends, they weren't the taxi service for the non-drivers. So...to me, your rules are fair.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Ahhhh the old "everyone else is getting to drive themselves but me" guilt trip!
    I was fond of that guilt trip as a teen.
    "Tough Cookies" is what my grandfather told me I believe.
    A bunch of teens in a car is Never a Good Idea.
    In fact in many states it's against the law for teens to ride in groups together.
    Maybe she didn't really want to go to the dance but wanted to go "joy riding" and that's the real reason
    for her dramatic outburst at you??
    Especially since you saw other kids getting picked-up and dropped-off.
    Missikat75

    Answer by Missikat75 at 4:09 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

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